The Birthday Boy/Script

[Wyatt walks through the mall, a sad look on his face. Jen and Caitlin rush up to him, smiles on their faces.]
Jen and Caitlin: "Happy birthday!" [They give him a big hug.]
Wyatt: [squeezing out] "Okay, okay, that's enough!"
Caitlin: "What? Today is your birthday, right?"
Wyatt: "Yes, and I hate birthdays. So can we just forget about it? Please?"
Caitlin: "But–how can you hate birthdays?"
Wyatt: "Because my parents insist on throwing theme parties every year."
Caitlin: "That sounds like fun."
Wyatt: "Yeah, except that it's a big family. All the good themes were snapped up years ago."
Caitlin: "So? Just be creative!"
Jen: "That's the problem. They're a little too creative. Tell her."
Wyatt: "Two years ago, the theme was 'Diseases We're Glad We Don't Have.'"
Jen: "And last year's was 'The Color Brown.' All the presents, drinks, food–everything was brown."
Caitlin: "That's atrocious! So what's this year's theme?"
[Wyatt pulls out a soda-drinking hat and puts it on.]
Wyatt: "'Trailer Park Party.'"
Caitlin: "Ooh. That's bad."
Wyatt: "Yeah. The only good thing about Serena being out of town is that she won't see me wearing it."

[Jude is playing on the computer. Jen, Caitlin, and Wyatt walk up to the table.]
Jen: "Well I'm gonna make sure you have an awesome birthday this year."
Wyatt: "That's nice, but no thanks."
Jen: "It's officially beyond your control! Come back here at six, and be prepared to have fun."
Wyatt: "Fine. As long as I don't have to pretend to like it." [Jude's computer beeps.]
Jude: "Yes!" [He looks up and sees his friends.] "Hey dude, nice hat."
Wyatt: "You like it? Knock yourself out."
Jude: "Seriously? Right on." [Wyatt puts it on him.] "Stylish." [taking a slurp] "Mmm. Cream soda."
Wyatt: "This is going to be a long day."
[Wyatt sighs and gets up. Jude takes the straw from his mouth and burps.]

[Jen, Caitlin, and Jude are at the Big Squeeze. Jude is still playing on his laptop.]
Jen: "Did you see how bummed he is? We have to give Wyatt an awesome birthday."
Caitlin: "Maybe we should just take him out for burgers and milkshakes."
Jen: "No. This has to be really big if we're going to get his mind off Serena."
Caitlin: "And his icky family party."
[Jen picks up her phone and dials. The call goes over to Nikki, working at the Khaki Barn.]
Nikki: "House of Dread, how may I direct your call?"
Jen: "We're conferencing, hang on."
[Jen's next call is to Jonesy, who is reading a book while wearing a banana suit.]
Jonesy: "Fruit World, can I help you?"
Jen: "Hey. It's me and Nikki."
Nikki: "How's the new job going?"
Jonesy: "I'm a giant banana. How goes it at the Barn?"
Nikki: "Oh, you know, mindless, endless boredom. The usual."
Fruit World Manager: "Jonesy! Are you on the phone?"
Jonesy: "Is that against store policy?"
Fruit World Manager: "Yes!"
Jonesy: "Then no." [returning to the call] "Sup?"
Jen: "It's Wyatt's birthday, and we're gonna throw him a huge party."
Jonesy: "Cool."
Jen: "Nikki, you're on gift detail."
Nikki: "Done. I'll grab him a DVD."
Jen: "Jonesy, you're the caterer. I'm thinking coffee slushes and a bunch of junk food."
Jonesy: "No can do. First day on the job, and I don't get off until six."
Fruit World Manager: "Jonesy! I thought I said no phone calls! You're fired!"
Jonesy: [returning to the call] "Well that was quick."
Jen: "So you can get the food now?"
Jonesy: "I'm on it."
Jen: "Great. Be at the lemon at six."
Jonesy: "Cool."
Jen: "Cool."
Nikki: "Cool."
[The call ends.]
Jen: "I'll get a giant card and the wrapping paper. And Jude? Jude!"
Jude: [starting] "What?"
Jen: "Can you get the birthday cake?"
Caitlin: "Ooh! Maybe you can get one with a picture airbrushed on it!"
Jude: "Good call. So whose picture should we put on it?"
Jen: "Wyatt's, Jude."
Jude: "Right." [He returns to his game and his sodas.]
Jen: "So, that's everything."
Caitlin: "Wyatt's gonna be so excited! This was a great idea, Jen."

Kristen: "Welcome to the Khaki Barn!"
[Nikki is bored at work. Jonesy comes in and thumps a load of books down on the sales counter.]
Jonesy: "Whatever you want, I'll pay, just help me, please!"
Nikki: "My time is very valuable. Five hundred dollars."
Jonesy: "Can we set up some sort of installment plan?"
Nikki: "With your credit rating? I told you, I'm not helping you study for the geography exam."
Jonesy: "But you always help me!"
Nikki: "Yeah, and I always get burned."
Jonesy: [shocked] "Uuf! Since when?"
Nikki: "'Kay, let's see. Well, there's the time you fell asleep while I was talking."
Jonesy: "Okay, but–"
Nikki: "And the time you spent the whole afternoon hitting on the girl beside us in the library."
Jonesy: "That was different! She was hot."
Nikki: "Hmm."
Jonesy: [quickly covering up] "But I've learned from my mistakes. C'mon. If you don't help me I'm gonna flunk. I'll have to repeat the course! Again!"
Nikki: "Fine. I'll do it."
Jonesy: "Yes!"
Nikki: "If you admit once and for all that I'm smarter than you."
Jonesy: "No way."
Nikki: "Welp, suit yourself. If you'll excuse me, I have some very important folding to do."
Jonesy: "Come on, there must be some other way!"
Nikki: "Afraid not."
Jonesy: "You're cruel. You know that? Cruel."
Nikki: "Mmm-hmm."
Jonesy: "Okay. Nikki, you're smarter then me."
Nikki: "Like you mean it."
Jonesy: "Okay, okay, you're smarter than me, you are! Nikki's smarter than me!!!"
Nikki: "That's better. Oh, and it's smarter than I."

[Jude is still playing while Jen and Caitlin plan the party.]
Jude: "Nice, instant street cred point!"
Caitlin: [looking around the food court] "Lighting is key to any good party. Think we can rent a disco ball?"
Jen: "Uh, that might be overkill." [Jude's computer beeps.]
Jude: "No, don't go there! Aw, dude! You went there."
Jen: "Okay, what are you doing?"
Jude: "Playing my new game. Simu-Mall."
Caitlin: "Those games are such a waste of time."
Jen: "Yeah. Ooh, my simu-character sat on the simu-couch and drank simu-coffee. How thrilling."
Jude: "This is different! I've set the game up to be a perfect replica of our mall and everyone in it. See?"
[Jen and Caitlin take a look.]
Jen and Caitlin: "Hmm..."
Caitlin: "There's a simu-lemon?"
Jude: "Yep! And there's the whole simu-gang!" [He presses a button, and a cheer rises.]
Caitlin: "Anyway, back to the party. What about scented candles?"
Jen: [getting sucked into Jude's game] "Why aren't you getting any customers at the simu-Stick It?"
Jude: "I dunno, but simu-Jude's hurting! No cheese, no cheeseburgers."
Caitlin: "Uh, Jen?"
Jen: "Maybe it's because the simu-trash in the simu-Stick It is totally piling up. Look."
Jude: [gasping] "I'll just make simu-Jude get rid of it." [He types.]
Jen: "Cool!"
Caitlin: "Wow! I wish it was that easy in real life." [She pushes a trash can away for pickup.]

[Jonesy and Nikki are studying in one of the Khaki Barn's changing rooms.]
Nikki: "The Swiss terrain is distinguished by?"
Jonesy: "An overabundance of yodelers?"
Nikki: "Look, I could be getting Wyatt's birthday present right now."
Jonesy: "But geography is so boring!"
Nikki: "Um, I know, I passed this course last year, remember?"
[Kirsten knocks on the door.]
Kirsten: "Excuse me? How do those khakis in sizes 28, 30, 32 34 and 36 fit?"
Jonesy: "Uh, do you have a size 42?"
Kirsten: "I'll look in the back!"
Nikki: "Nice. There is no 42. But she'll be looking for hours!"
Jonesy: "Just you and me again."
Nikki: "Uh, okay. Back to the books."
Jonesy: "Okay, but if I answer the next question right, you have to answer a question for me."
Nikki: "Yeah, okay. What provinces do the Rocky Mountains cross into?"
Jonesy: "British Colombia and Alberta."
Nikki: "Wow! You actually got one right."
Jonesy: "Okay. So now you have to answer one. How come we haven't gone out on another date?"
Nikki: "What? Uh...I don't know. Next–"
Jonesy: "You know we connect."
Nikki: "Jonesy, we're supposed to be studying."
Jonesy: "You're single, I'm single..."
Nikki: "Can we not talk about this right now?"
Jonesy: "Fine. But, you know you want me."
Nikki: "Yeah, okay, whatever. On to France."
Jonesy: "Ah, the city of love."
Nikki: "Country, Jonesy. Country."

[Jen is watching Jude play.]
Jude: "Nice!"
Jen: "Good!"
Jude: "Uh-oh!"
Jen: "No!"
[A cash register dings, and both exhale in relief.]
Jude: "Refill!"
[Jen changes out his cans of soda for new ones. Caitlin watches disapprovingly.]
Caitlin: "You guys have to stop this. We've got cakes to buy, cards to sign, decorations to–" [gasping] "Why is simu-Caitlin wearing that heinous sweater?"
Jude: "You don't like it?"
Caitlin: "Do you want me to look like a librarian? Change it."
Jude: "The only way to do that is to make simu-Caitlin go shopping."
Caitlin: [interested] "You can shop?!?" [She takes a seat.] "Start on the fourth level. They get all the new collections first." [gasping] "Is that simu-Prada? Ooh, go there, go go go go go go!"

[Jonesy and Nikki are still studying. Jonesy is staring at her dopily.]
Nikki: "Jonesy. Jonesy? Ugh. Maybe we should go somewhere less distracting."
[Nikki's place of choice is the mall fountain. All around are chaos and loud noises.]
Nikki: "Much better."

[The three are playing when Wyatt walks up.]
Jude: "Check it out. It's simu-Wyatt but in real life."
Wyatt: "Don't tell me you're all becoming simu-nerds."
Jen: "Ssh. We're just about to score a better table at the simu-food court."
Wyatt: "Correction: you already are simu-nerds." [Jude's computer beeps.]
Jude: "Whoa, simu-Caitlin just passed simu-Wyatt on the cool scale."
Wyatt: "What?"
Caitlin: "It's because of my new fashions. Good clothes open doors."
Wyatt: "Well, what if simu-Wyatt was fronting a band?"
Jude: "I'm on it."
Wyatt: "Nice! I should go. See you guys tonight."
Jude: "Right."
Jen: "Yeah."
Caitlin: "Later."
Jude: [looking up] "Aren't we supposed to be doing something?"
[Jude's computer clangs loudly.]
Caitlin: "Look! We won the simu-lottery! We're rich!"
[Jen and Caitlin squeal in excitement.]

[Jonesy and Nikki are still studying by the mall fountain.]
Jonesy: "Madrid, Spain; Sofia, Bulgaria; and Bern, Switzerland."
Nikki: "You just correctly named every country and capital in Europe!"
Jonesy: "I did? Who's the man!"
[Sounds draw Nikki's attention. Stores all around the mall are closing.]
Nikki: "Oh no! It's six already!"
Jonesy: "Uh oh. Wyatt's birthday!"
Nikki: "Nice work, Jonesy."
Jonesy: "What? You're the one who lost track of time."
Nikki: "Maybe instead of blaming me you should be getting snacks."
Jonesy: "Well, maybe you should be buying the DVD!"
Nikki: "Uh–"
[Nikki is about to rebut this when both sides realize the other has a point. They scurry off.]

[The three are still playing when Wyatt walks up at the scheduled time.]
Wyatt: "Alright. I'm here. Do your worst."
Jude: "Huh?"
Wyatt: "You said to be here at six for the birthday torture. I'm here."
Jen: "Uh–I–uh–said six thirty."
Wyatt: "No you didn't."
Caitlin: "Yes she did! She said 6:30. I heard it, six thirty."
Jen: "And you almost ruined your surprise! Now go away and, uh, come back in half an hour!"
Wyatt: "Alright, I'll be back." [He walks off.]
Jen: [calling after him] "You're gonna love it, I promise!"
Jude: "He's gone."
[A moment later, all three realize how much they have to do.]
Caitlin, Jen, and Jude: "AAAAHHH!" [They run around, looking for ideas.]
Jude: [coming back for his laptop] "C'mon, simu-Jude, we've got work to do!"

[The gang runs around the mall, trying to find an open store.]
Jen: "Please! Just one card! Any card!"
Jonesy: [running into the just-closed doors of Grind Me] "Aww!"
[Charmaine points to her wrist and walks away.]
Jonesy: "C'mon!"
Caitlin: "No!" [A door shuts in her face.]
Nikki: [pounding on Spin This] "C'mon!"

[All have given up and returned to the Big Squeeze.]
Jen: "Okay. The card store was closed, but at least we've got everything else."
Caitlin, Nikki, and Jonesy: "Uhh..."
Jude: "I guess."
Jen: "We did get everything else, right?" [Caitlin sighs.] "Oh no! What are we gonna do? Wyatt will be back soon!"
Jonesy: "All right, that's it! I'm officially taking this party over! Now didn't I see a party going on somewhere already?"
Jen: "Yeah, at Albatross & Finch. So?"
Jonesy: "Hmm." [He smiles.]
Jen: "Oh no way, Jonesy, we'd never pull it off!"
Jonesy: "Why not?"
Caitlin: "We could what? Why not what?"
Jen: "Pass it off as a party for Wyatt."
Nikki: "There's no way. He'll never buy it."
Jonesy: "I know the store. I worked there for two days. I can get us in!"
Caitlin: "We'll never fit in! All those Albatross people are so snobby!"
Jonesy: "We can do this, guys. It'll be hard, sure!" [Pomp and Circumstance begins to play.] "But if we succeed, it'll go down in history as the single greatest party scam of all time! Now, who's with me?"
Jude: "I am with you, dude!"
Jonesy: "For Wyatt."
Jen: "For Wyatt."
Caitlin: "I'm in."
Nikki: "Me too."
Jude: "Slammin'! Let's rock this party!"
Jen, Jude, Caitlin, Jonesy, and Nikki: "All right!"

[The A&F is decorated in shades of pink and white. Hearts are all around.]
Jude: "What's with all the wedding gear?"
[A cake is wheeled past, a bride and groom on the top of it.]
Nikki: "It's a bridal shower?"

[The five have gotten into the party.]
Jonesy: "I'll admit, the wedding thing is a bit of a setback."
Nikki: "Y'think?"
Jonesy: "But we proceed as planned."
Jen: "Agreed. Just act snooty and get rid of any suspicious decorations. Wyatt will never know this isn't really his birthday party."
Caitlin: "Right!"
Nikki: [sarcastic] "Oh yeah. It's foolproof."
[The gang walk around the store. Caitlin finds a bouquet.]
Caitlin: "Eee!" [She throws it out, and it hits Stuart Goldstein.] "Ooh."
Jude: [finding the snack table] "Check it out, this party even comes with munchies!"
[Jonesy tears down a collage of some good times the soon-to-be-wed couple has had together, wads it up, and kicks it out of the store. It hits Stuart Goldstein.]
Nikki: "Good job. Now all we have to do is find the bride-to-be and shove her into a closet."
Jonesy: "I'm on her."
Nikki: [sighing] "Let's spread out. We've got a lot of ground to cover."
Jonesy: "Right. Nikki and I will take the back of the store. Jude, you take the front; Jen and Caitlin, you've got ten minutes to work the middle, then go to pick up Wyatt. Go."

[What follows is massive wreckage as the gang work their way through the store, stealthily tearing down placards, popping balloons, and destroying flowers. It comes to a head when Jude plans to whip the pink cloth off of the present table.]
Jen: "No way, Jude."
Jude: "Don't worry, I've done this before."
[Jude yanks. Predictably, the presents crash to the floor.]

[Jen and Caitlin lead a blindfolded Wyatt to the store.]
Wyatt: "You know, the only things I hate more than birthdays, are surprises."
[The two push him forward and notice Jude playing his game. They stop, but Wyatt does not.]
Jen: "Jude! Stop playing that game!"
Caitlin: "Yeah, this is important! The game can wait!"
Jude: "Fine. I'll make sure they eat, and then put it down. Promise."
Jen: "Fine, just hurry." [realizing] "Where is he? Wyatt?!?"
Caitlin: "We lost him!"
Wyatt: [still walking] "Guys? A little help?" [He almost bumps into a girl in a blue sweater.]
Caitlin: "Whoops! Sorry. Some people can't handle party games!"
[Caitlin leads him back to the center of the store. Wyatt takes off his blindfold and gasps.]
Wyatt: "No way! All this is for me?"
Caitlin: "Duh! Of course it is, silly!" [She surreptitiously points for Jen to remove a wedding bell decoration.] "C'mon, let's get you a soda."
[Caitlin leads Wyatt to the drink table. Jen removes the bells and throws them out. They hit Jude on the head.]
Jude: "Oof!"
[Jonesy is removing decorations from the food table. A Greeter God walks up behind him.]
Blonde Greeter God: "What do you think you're doing?"
Jonesy: "Some jerk forgot to decorate the buffet table! Can you believe it?"
Blonde Greeter God: "Oh, well, yeah. Okay. Keep up the good work." [He leaves.]
Nikki: [running up] "He's here!"
[Wyatt is hanging out with Jude, Jen, and Caitlin.]
Wyatt: "I can't get over how many people came to wish me a happy birthday!"
Jen: "You're a popular guy."
Wyatt: [to a Greeter God] "Thank you so much for being here!"
Greeter God: "Wouldn't miss it for the world, man. Something like this only happens once in your life. If you're lucky."
[Something about this rings hollow with Wyatt.]
Jude: [taking a sip from his drink hat] "Ah. Quality refreshments, dude." [The Greeter God walks off.]
Wyatt: "Who was he again?"
Jude: "Uh–that was–you know–the dude, from that thing last summer?"
Caitlin: [looking for a distraction] "Hey! Pretty girl! Do you know Wyatt?"
Jill: "No."
Wyatt: "Hey."
Jill: [interested] "Hey."
Caitlin: "Today is Wyatt's sixteenth birthday!"
Jill: "Great. Wanna grab something to eat?"
Wyatt: "Sure." [He goes with her.]
Jude: "Dude, Wyatt's got a girlfriend, remember?"
Caitlin: "I know, but we needed a distraction!"
Jude: "Whoa. You sure picked a good one."
[Wyatt is hanging out with Jill at the buffet table.]
Wyatt: [picking up a chocolate] "Whoa! This must have cost a fortune!"
Jen: "You're worth it."
Wyatt: "Why do the chocolates look like brides?"
[Jen quickly grabs the chocolate and stuffs it in her mouth.]
Jen: [mouth full] "Mmm. Good."
[Wyatt goes for another chocolate, but Jen grabs the tray. She proceeds to scarf down the candies.]
Caitlin: "She's a real chocoholic. It's a problem." [Jen burps.]
Wyatt: [turning to Jill] "So, how do you know the gang?" [noticing the bride] "And why is that girl wearing that thing on her head?"
[As a distraction, Jen pretends to choke. Caitlin does the Heimlich, and she coughs up chocolate.]
Jill: "Eww, gross!"

[Jonesy is popping heart-shaped balloons.]
Nikki: [whispering] "How's it going?"
Jonesy: "Good. Wyatt met a hot chick."
Nikki: "I hope she's not the bride."
[Jonesy takes a balloon and drinks the helium from inside.]
Jonesy: [high-pitched] "So, just give me one good reason why you don't want to go out with me."
Nikki: [chuckling] "Jonesy, c'mon! We've been over this. It's not that I don't want to–"
Jonesy: [high-pitched] "So you do want to! Sweet!"
Nikki: "No. I didn't say that–"
Jonesy: [high-pitched, noticing Wyatt] "Whoa whoa whoa whoa."
Nikki: "Oh no. Looks like they need backup. C'mon."

[Nikki runs up to Jen, who is watching Wyatt and Jill.]
Nikki: "So how's the birthday boy?"
Jen: [exhaling] "Distracted."
[Caitlin and Jonesy try to remove a huge banner and, in doing so, fall over.]
Caitlin: "Whoa!"
Jonesy: "Ow!"
Wyatt: [looking towards the clatter] "What was that?"
Jen: "Uh, er, hey, I'll bet I can stuff three drumsticks in my mouth at once!" [She stuffs three chicken legs into her mouth.] "How cool is that, eh?"
Wyatt: "Right..."
Jill: "Your friends are kind of weird, Wyatt. Let's go grab a drink."
[The two walk off. Jen spits out the drumsticks.]

[Jill and Wyatt are by the drink table.]
Jill: "Grab me a pop. I'll be right back."
[Jill leaves to attend to something, and Wyatt turns around to see his friends grinning nervously.]
Wyatt: "Great party, guys. Just one question: why is the party here?"
Jude: "Oh, um–"
Jen: "Because–"
Nikki: "It was the last place you'd ever think we'd have it!" [They nod.]
Wyatt: "I can't believe how many people you got to come out to this!"
Jen: "Well, Jonesy's pretty persuasive."
Wyatt: [spying the gift table] "Presents? Guys, you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble!"
Jude: "Oh man, we're fried now, dude."
[Wyatt walks towards the present table. Jen runs up and plants herself in front of him.]
Jen: "Wyatt! Overall, you've had a good time, right? So maybe we should head out."
Wyatt: "But you got all these amazing gifts! They're almost too nice to open!"
Nikki: "You're right! Better to savor them now and then open them next week."
Wyatt: "No way, I can't wait that long."
Jen: "Sure you can!"
Nikki: "Look, Jonesy, Wyatt found the presents!"
Jonesy: "Great, but, you don't want to open them now! So uncool."
Caitlin: [dragging Jill with her] "Hey, look who I found! It's Jill! Don't you want to talk to Jill instead of opening that silly present?"
Wyatt: "C'mon, guys, just one."
[The gang cross their fingers as Wyatt unwraps the box, hoping that whatever's inside will work as a present.]
Wyatt: "Uh..."
[Wyatt has pulled out a skimpy pink-and-purple negligeé.]
Wyatt: "Thanks?"
Caitlin: [after a moment] "Happy birthday!"
Jen: [catching on] "Yay!"
Jonesy: "Happy B-day!"
Nikki: "Happy happy!"
Jill: "Am I missing something?"
Wyatt: "I was just wondering the same thing."
Jen, Jonesy, Jude, and Nikki: "Uh..."
Caitlin: [thinking fast] "Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!"
Jen, Jonesy, Jude, Nikki, and Caitlin: "Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!"
Crowd: [taking up the chant] "Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!"
Wyatt: "Cool. Bring it on."
Crowd: "Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!"
[The cake is carted out. The gang gasp. On top sits a statuette of a bride and groom.]
Jonesy: "NNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
[Jonesy runs forward and dives, headfirst, into the cake, knocking it over and splattering it on everyone.]
Jude: [licking some off his finger] "Mmm. That's good icing."
Jonesy: [to the girl in the blue sweater, chuckling nervously] "Napkin?"
[A microphone is turned on.]
Blonde Greeter God: [into the mike] "A-heh-heh-hem. Okay. It's time for the guest of honor to come up here and say a few words!"
Crowd: "Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech!"
Wyatt: [heading for the stage] "Guess I'd better say something."
Crowd: "Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech!"
Jonesy: "Wait!" [He slips on the spilled cake.] "Whoa!"
[Jonesy slips and slides into his friends, knocking them all over.]
Nikki: "Aah! Oh no. He's not going to–"
[Wyatt taps the microphone.]
Jen: "He is going to. I can't watch."
[Wyatt clears his throat and begins to speak.]
Wyatt: "Thanks everybody! This party was awesome. I've always hated birthdays, but after tonight, I think I actually like them again! You guys are all so great!"
Guy in Audience: "Dude! Who are you?"
Bride: [behind Wyatt, crying] "What are you doing? This is my bridal shower!"
Wyatt: [confused] "Guys?"
[The gang chuckle and grin nervously.]
Jonesy: "Run!"
[The five follow his instructions and take off out of there, leaving Wyatt to face an angry crowd.]

[Wyatt is sitting at the table by the Big Squeeze. Jude, Caitlin, Nikki, and Jen approach him.]
Jen: "Wyatt–"
Wyatt: "I don't want to hear it."
Nikki: "Okay, we messed up royally. But we had good intentions."
Wyatt: "See? This is why I hate birthdays."
Caitlin: "We just wanted to give you a nice one for a change."
Wyatt: [angry] "So you hijacked a bridal shower, choked down all their food, and risked getting caught all in some deluded effort to give me a happy birthday?!?" [realizing] "Hey. That's pretty cool."
Jude: "You can have your hat back if you still want it."
Wyatt: [taking it back] "You know, as ridiculous as this gift is, I think I'll keep it. Maybe I was being too hard on my parents."
Jude: "If you ever need anyone to look after it, you just let me know."
Wyatt: "Thanks. You guys may not believe this, but, this is one of the best birthday parties I've ever had."
Nikki: [hugging him] "Wyatt, that's–really sad."
Jonesy: [whispering to Jen] "Psst! All clear?"
Jen: "It's cool. Wyatt forgives us!"
Jonesy: "Nice! Because I have a little surprise for everyone." [Jonesy has brought the smashed cake.] "It's a little squashed, but uh, mmm! It's tasty!"
Jude: "Sweet."
Wyatt: "Cool."

[Jude is playing Simu-Mall in Grind Me. The rest of the gang walks in.]
Wyatt: "Jude man, we need to talk."
Jude: "Check it out! Simu-Wyatt just released his first video, bro!"
Caitlin: "Jude, this is an intervention."
Jude: "An inter-what-tion?"
Jen: "You need to stop playing. It's for your own good."
Jude: "Hey, I can quit at any time, dude! And I will!" [turning back to the game] "As soon as simu-Jude becomes king."
Nikki: "Yeah, uh, we're gonna have to confiscate the game now. Guys?"
[Wyatt, Caitlin, and Jen try to pull Jude's laptop away.]
Jude: "No wait! Dudes! Stop! Wait!" [The four start wrestling on the ground.] "My baby! Dude!"
Jonesy: "So, will you go out with me or not?"
Nikki: "What do you think?"
Jonesy: "Seriously? I think you're chicken."
Nikki: [realizing] "You know what? I am chicken. That's it! I'm scared of screwing this up."
Jonesy: "Screwing what up? We haven't done anything yet."
Nikki: "No. This." [She gestures to the four friends, who are happy even while fighting.] "The six of us. I don't want to mess this up, you know?"
Jonesy: "Yeah. I guess I get it. But it still sucks, right?"
Nikki: "Mmm...maybe a little." [She elbows him.]
Jonesy: "Ow!"
Nikki: "I got you."
[Jonesy starts wrestling with Nikki. Soon, all six friends are on the floor, laughing and playfully fighting.]