[Jonesy exits his bedroom in pajamas and slippers and heads to the bathroom only to find the door locked. Inside, someone is using a hair dryer. He knocks on the door, and the hair dryer stops.]
Jen: [inside] "Occupied."
Jonesy: "Get out, Jen, I've gotta go!"
Jen: "Well you'll have to wait. I'm busy." [She runs the sink.]
Jonesy: [crossing his legs] "Aw c'mon, I have to go bad! Hurry up, I can't hold it much longer!" [He fakes crying.] "I'm serious Jen, open up!" [He pounds on the door again. Jen opens the door. She is clad in two towels: one for the body and one for the hair.]
Jen: "I was here first, Jonesy, so deal."
Jonesy: [exasperated] "Actually, your family moved in with us three weeks ago, so technically, I was here first."
Jen: "Sucks to be you then, doesn't it."
Jonesy: "Pee takes precedence over hair."
Jen: "Oh, is that another rule made up by your brothers? Because I don't care."
[Jen starts to shut the door, but Jonesy holds it open.]
Jonesy: "Fine! But if there's a puddle out here in a minute I am not gonna be held responsible!"
Jen: "You are so disgusting!"
Jonesy: [desperate] "Get out of the bathroom!"
Jen: [shoving him] "No way, Jonesy! I still have to brush my teeth!"
[Jen's body towel falls off, and Jonesy blushes and stares.]
Jen: "Whoa what?!?"
Jonesy: [uncomfortable] "T-t-t-t-t-towel." [He closes his eyes and turns away. Jen feels the towel on her head.] "Other one."
[Jen's pupils shrink to dots in fright as she realizes what happened. She screams, picks up her towel, and runs for the safety of her room.]
[Jonesy covers his eyes and pants.]
Jonesy: "Okay. Calm down." [calling] "So, I can use the bathroom now?"
[Robbie enters the bathroom and takes control of it.]
The opening credits roll.
The title of this episode is
[Jen and Jonesy meet up by the fountain.]
Jen: "I cannot handle Jude and Wyatt knowing what happened this morning. Do you hear me? It goes way beyond all acceptable embarrassment levels."
Jonesy: "What about me?!? And if Nikki finds out we're done for sure!"
Jen: "So we're agreed then? No one can know that you saw me–you know–like that. Ever!"
Jonesy: "Definitely. It'll be our little secret."
[They shake hands on it.]
[Nikki is at work. A customer walks up to her.]
Stuart Goldstein: "Excuse me." [He is ignored.] "Uh, miss?"
Nikki: "Sorry, I don't speak English."
Stuart Goldstein: "Yes, I'm looking for a cardigan? It's a warm–"
Nikki: "Um, I'm really sorry. I have no idea what you're saying."
Chrissy: "Nikki, could you join us please?"
Nikki: "Excuse us." [She follows Chrissy.]
Stuart Goldstein: [annoyed] "That sounded like English to me."
[Nikki walks over to the Clones.]
Nikki: "Okay, what's so important you had to tear me away from a customer?"
Chrissy: "I have an announcement."
Kristen: "Ooh! I love announcements!"
Kirsten: "I know. They're so formal."
Nikki: "Oh, kill me now."
Chrissy: "Kristen? Kirsten?" [excited] "I've been offered the position of hostess of the new Soft Rock Café in the mall!"
Kristen and Kirsten: "EEEEEE!!!"
Kristen: "That restaurant is so major!"
Kirsten: "Yeah, it's–it's like, ultra!"
Nikki: "Have you ever actually been in one before?"
Kirsten: "Uh, no, they just built it? Duh."
Chrissy: "It's a real step up for my career in the customer service industry!"
Nikki: "And why am I supposed to care?"
Chrissy: "Well, the official opening is tonight, which means–" [sad] "–I'm leaving the Barn."
[Kristen and Kirsten stare at her, still happy.]
Kirsten: "Will you be back before closing?"
Chrissy: "No, guys, this is it. I'm leaving the Barn for good."
[Kristen and Kirsten blink, still not getting it.]
Kristen: "So we'll see you here tomorrow?"
Chrissy: "No, I won't be here!"
Kristen: "Oh, is this about inventory?"
Nikki: [fed up] "Oh, for the–Chrissy is quitting!"
Kristen and Kirsten: [gasping] "No!"
Chrissy: "Yes. And I have to leave someone in charge until Head Office hires a replacement. But I can't pick between my two best friends!"
Kristen and Kirsten: "Aww!"
Chrissy: "And I can't pick Nikki, because, well, you're Nikki. So I'm leaving everyone equally in charge. You all know what to do. Make me proud." [tearful] "Oh, I love you guys!"
[The Clones hug and start to cry.]
Kristen and Kirsten: [crying] "Chrissy, we love you too!"
Nikki: [rolling her eyes] "She's not going to war, guys. She's going down the hall." [The Clones continue their crying jag.] "Unbelievable." [Her phone rings, and she eagerly picks up.] "Yello!"
Jen: [unhappy] "My life is over!"
Nikki: [sarcastic] "And the fun continues."
[Wyatt is working the grill at Burger McFlipster's while Jude eats fries on a barstool.]
Wyatt: [singing] "Pipin' hot and gorgeous too/The burger I'm flipping is just for you."
[Wyatt hands the finished sandwich to Glutes Girl, who smiles before looking at Jude oddly.]
Jude: "Burger McFlipster's Ragin' Cajun Fries are so good!"
Wyatt: "You want a burger with those?"
Jude: "No, no burger, just the fries."
Wyatt: "Okay then."
[Wyatt turns back to his job. Glutes Girl is having some trouble with the ketchup bottle. Jonesy rushes in.]
Jonesy: "Guys! I have something that–" [He runs into the girl, and ketchup spills all over her shirt.]
Glutes Girl: "Hey! Look what you did to my shirt!"
Jonesy: [taking a good look at her torso] "Hubba hubba..."
Glutes Girl: [slapping him] "Jerk." [She leaves in a huff. As soon as she's gone, Jude and Wyatt laugh.]
Wyatt: "Oh man, that was bad."
Jonesy: [grumpily] "Yeah yeah, laugh it up."
Wyatt: "You grumpy already? It's still morning."
Jonesy: "If I tell you, you have to swear you won't tell anyone. I mean it."
Jude: "We swear."
Wyatt: "You got it. Swear."
[Jonesy exhales deeply.]
Jonesy: [hushed] "I just saw Jen...completely naked."
[Jude chokes, and Wyatt does a spittake with his coffee.]
Wyatt: [shocked] "Our Jen? Jen your stepsister Jen?"
Jonesy: "Yes Jen Jen our Jen!"
Jonesy: "And I promised I wouldn't tell you guys, so you're sworn to secrecy." [They nod.]
Jude: "So...did you look?"
Jonesy: "I tried so hard not to but it was everywhere I looked!"
Wyatt: "This is bad."
Jonesy: "Dude, tell me about it! I keep picturing my stepsister slash friend all naked! It's a nightmare!"
Wyatt: [philosophical] "Who would ever have thought seeing a girl naked would be a bad thing?"
Jonesy: "Oh it's bad, bro. We can't even look at each other anymore! What am I gonna do?"
Jude: "Okay, just close your eyes and picture something else instead. Something harmless. Like, uh–" [looking at his food] "–a french fry!"
Jonesy: "Hmm." [He closes his eyes and thinks about it.] "French fry. Check."
Jude: "Now, visualize a burger."
Jonesy: [opening his eyes] "You're really fixated on food today, aren't you? One burger, coming up." [Jonesy shuts his eyes and pictures a burger in his head. He opens his eyes again.] "You know what? This is easy."
Jude: "Good. Now, try it with ice cream."
[Jonesy does as requested and in his head visualizes an ice cream cone. The cone starts to melt and breaks away to reveal a nude Jen, who waves at Jonesy.]
Jonesy: "Aaah! The ice cream cone morphed into Jen naked! I can't get the picture out of my head!"
Jude: "Maybe just stick to burgers then."
Jonesy: "Aw, man, I'm gonna be late for my first day on the job. I gotta split."
[Jonesy leaves, shoulders sagging. Jude and Wyatt stare straight ahead, trying to process this information.]
Jude: "That was heavy." [to Wyatt] "Can I have some more fries?"
[The girls have gathered by the Big Squeeze. Jen is pacing.]
Nikki: "Come on, Jen, just tell us what happened."
Caitlin: "You've gotta get it out. We're here for you."
Jen: [sighing] "Alright, but you cannot tell a soul!"
Caitlin: "It's in the vault." [Nikki nods.]
Jen: "Well–Jonesy and I were fighting over the bathroom this morning–and–he saw me...you know...naked!"
Nikki: "Oh." [unimpressed] "Is that it?"
Jen: [annoyed] "What do you mean, is that it?"
Nikki: "This is like, the third time you've accidentally flashed him. At this point, what's the big deal?"
Caitlin: "She's right, Jen. We've all seen your boobs."
Jen: [upset] "Ugh! The big deal is that this time, he saw everything!" [She waves her arms for emphasis.]
Caitlin: "That's bad."
Jen: "Uh, yeah! Exactly!"
Caitlin: "But–he's your stepbrother."
Jen: [hyperventilating] "Oh no. Oh no." [Caitlin and Nikki scurry to sit her down.]
Nikki: "You're hyperventilating. Breathe into this, okay? Deeply and slowly." [She hands Jen a paper bag. Jen slowly calms down as she breathes.] "That's it. Take it easy. Now, who else knows about this?"
Jen: "No one. Jonesy promised he wouldn't tell the guys."
Nikki: "Well that's good."
Jen: [worried] "Yeah, but I promised I wouldn't tell you guys and I did!"
Nikki: "Don't worry. If you act normal, maybe he'll act normal too."
[Nikki is searching through clothes at the Khaki Barn. Kristen and Kirsten run up to her.]
Kristen: "I folded the sweaters like you said."
Kirsten: "And I dusted the lightbulbs."
Kristen: [worried] "So has Chrissy come back yet?"
Nikki: "Not yet."
Kirsten: "When do you think she'll come back?"
Nikki: "With any luck, never." [She walks away from them happily.]
Kirsten: [to Kristen] "What if Chrissy never comes back? Ever? What will happen to us?"
Kristen: [scared] "Who will show us what to do?"
Kirsten: "What to wear!"
Kristen: "What to think!"
Kirsten: [freaking out] "I don't know!"
Nikki: [offscreen] "Step lively, Clones, a customer's on the floor, and I'm not helping him."
Kristen: "She's right, Kirsten. We have a wall of boyfriend-sized sweaters out there, and Chrissy would want us to sell them."
[The new employees of the Soft Rock Café have gathered for training.]
Chuck: "Okay, welcome. I'm your new manager, Chuck Tamplifier. You're all part of the inner soft rock circle now, so first up, peace. Tonight, we're opening the doors to the world's newest Soft Rock Café, with a exclusive VIP party. As with every Soft Rock opening, a major star will attend, and tonight's star is Liza Lomen."
Chrissy: "EEEEEEEEE–" [Jonesy clamps a hand over her mouth.]
Jonesy: "Hold up. The Liza Lomen? The movie queen, music video siren, girl of my dreams Liza Lomen?"
Chuck: "The same, bro."
Chuck: "You're going to need to dial that down a hair, Chrissy. Remember, we're all about the relax here."
Chuck: "Much better."
Jonesy: "So Chuck, righteous mustache, man. How long you been tending that baby?"
Chuck: [flattered] "Oh, we go back about fifteen years. Funny story, actually–"
Jonesy: "Sweet. I wish you could meet my friends, so you could tell them too."
Chuck: "Well they could come to the party. How many passes will they need?"
Jonesy: [grabbing the proffered passes] "You're gonna love them, I swear, back soon!"
[Jonesy takes the passes to hand them out among his friends.]
Chuck: [to himself] "He reminds me of me, back before my spirit was crushed by The Man. And now, I am The Man. Heavy."
[Nikki is on the phone to Caitlin.]
Nikki: "Ever since Chrissy left, Kristen and Kirsten have gone completely off the normal road."
Caitlin: "What do you mean?"
Nikki: "Well, maybe I'm imagining this, but it seems like lately, they're acting like–me. Oh, hang on. Customer to humiliate." [Nikki puts down her phone.]
Middle-Aged Woman: "Do you have this in a bigger size?"
Nikki: "Yes, but it will still make you look like a crusty hairball."
[Harold's wife sadly leaves. Kristen and Kirsten laugh at her.]
Kirsten: "It really does look crusty!"
Kristen: "Yeah! Crusty! With hair!"
Kirsten: "Oo-hoo, good one, Kristen!" [to Nikki] "So, how did we do?"
[Nikki glumly raises the phone to her ear again.]
Caitlin: "I see what's happening! They've lost their leader Chrissy, so in the absence of true leadership, they've resorted to following you!"
Nikki: "Why me? I hate this place!"
Caitlin: "In this world, there are leaders, and there are followers. I guess they see you as a leader."
Nikki: "Huh. Interesting. I'll call you back." [She hangs up. Harold's wife has come back for more abuse.]
Middle-Aged Woman: "How about this skirt?"
Kirsten: "Ooh! Ooh! Let me try!"
Nikki: "Okay. Let's see what you've got."
Kirsten: "You're ugly!"
[Tears spring to the woman's eyes, and she hurries away.]
Nikki: [shocked] "What was that?"
Kirsten: "I dissed her! Just like you do!"
Kristen: "Oh you dissed her sister yeah!" [They hi-five.]
Nikki: "Whoa whoa whoa, hold on, that was not a good diss. Look, if you're gonna slam something, focus on the merchandise. Like–" [faking a gasp] "Wow, that's a great skirt! It could double as a garbage bag."
[The remaining clones gasp at this demonstration of wit.]
Kirsten: [begging] "Can you teach us?"
Nikki: "You're...putting me in charge?" [They nod.] "Ladies, you're in good hands."
[The Clones cheer.]
[Nikki and Jude are sitting at the table while Caitlin works.]
Nikki: "It's like they're clay, just waiting for me to mold them into miniature versions of–me!"
Jude: "You're the new Chrissy."
Nikki: "Forget Chrissy, this is the dawn of a new era for the Khaki Barn." [Wyatt walks up with a tray of fries.]
Wyatt: "Delivery for the Ragin' Cajun man."
Jude: "Bro, you're a lifesaver!"
Nikki: "How many fries have you had today?"
Jude: "Ssh! Not in front of the fries! They should all feel special."
[Caitlin gasps. Jen is headed their way.]
Caitlin: [nervous] "Here comes Jen."
Nikki: [apprehensive] "Just–act normal."
Jude: [to Wyatt] "Dude, I'm scared. What if I start to picture her naked too?"
Wyatt: [whispering] "But you haven't seen her naked!"
Jude: [whispering] "I have a pretty good imagination."
Jen: "Hey guys."
Caitlin: [awkwardly] "Hey, Jen. It's so normal to see you!" [Nikki slaps her forehead.]
Wyatt: "So, um, what's new?"
Jen: "Nothing." [worried] "Why do you ask?"
Wyatt: [nervous] "No reason. In fact, I haven't heard anything. About you. Recently. At all."
Jude: [shaking from fright] "Fry?"
Jen: [reaching for one] "Since when do you share your food?"
Jude: [yanking them away] "Never! That was close."
[Jonesy walks up to the table.]
Jonesy: "Guess what Daddy brought home from the salt mines?"
[Jonesy and Jen look at each other and quickly turn away.]
Jonesy: "Uh, VIP passes to the Soft Rock Café opening party."
Wyatt: "Nice one."
Caitlin: "Hey, that's great!"
Jen: [standing up] "Uh, can't make it gotta run. Later!" [She starts to walk away.]
Jonesy: "Wait. Guess who's gonna be there for the opening? Liza Lomen."
Caitlin: "No way!"
Jen: [rushing back] "I have all of her albums!"
Nikki: "Yeah, all two of them."
Jen: "I've seen every movie she's made!"
Jonesy: "Eucch. You really are a fan. I think you deserve the first p–"
[Jonesy gasps and drops the pass. He is seeing Jen as she was that morning.]
Jen: "Jonesy?" [Jonesy rubs his eyes and looks again. Jen is still naked.] "What's wrong? Can I have a pass?"
Jonesy: [looking away, extending a pass] "Uh, here you go, one pass for Liza's biggest fanny, I mean fan!"
Jude: [in a stage whisper] "Dude, visualize a burger!"
Nikki: "What are you talking abo–" [catching on] "You know."
Wyatt: "No we don't!"
Caitlin: "You totally do!"
Wyatt: "Well–obviously so do you!"
Jen and Jonesy: [shocked] "You told them?!?"
Caitlin: "Okay, everyone stay calm."
Wyatt: "You know, it's not that big a deal."
Jonesy: "Yeah. It's not like I'm, like gonna, like, always picture you naked or anything."
[Jen's eyelids slacken, and she begins to cry. She turns around and runs away.]
Jonesy: "I'm sorry! Please come butt–I mean back! Aw, Jen!" [He sighs.]
[Nikki, Kristen, and Kirsten are relaxing on lawn chairs set up in the middle of the store.]
Nikki: "This is the first time I've ever liked working here."
Kristen: "Should we do another drill?"
Nikki: "Okay. Ready, and, diss that top!"
Kristen: "That top looks like someone barfed on it!"
Nikki: "Where is all the service around here?!?"
Kirsten: "Sorry, we're like, busy."
Nikki: "How are our sales?"
Kristen: "Since Chrissy left, down 92%."
Nikki: "Excellent. Here's to the new-and-improved Khaki Barn." [She takes a sip of her drink. Her phone rings.] "This is paradise, who's calling?"
Jen: "So I've made a decision. I'm never gonna be in the same room with Jonesy ever again."
Nikki: "Won't that be a little hard? You live in the same house."
Jen: "Oh, I'll just change my work schedule, my social schedule, my entire life schedule–"
Nikki: "Wait, hold up. You have a life schedule?"
Jen: "Uh, yeah. Don't you?" [Someone in the stall next to hers farts.] "Ew!"
Nikki: "Where are you?"
Jen: "I'm in the loathsome washrooms, hiding from Jonesy."
Nikki: "Oh yeah, that's a foolproof plan."
Jen: "Sarcasm. Just what I was looking for."
Nikki: "Look, just stay put. We'll figure something out, okay?" [She hangs up.]
Jen: "Just 18 months, 6 days before I leave for college." [Someone farts next to her, and she begins to cry.]
[Wyatt is cleaning the grill at work.]
Wyatt: [singing] "Have you ever seen a burger on a yummy yummy bun–"
Jude: [walking up and ordering] "A jumbo Ragin' Cajun Fries, please."
Wyatt: "You should lay off the fries for a while." [A bell dings.] "Hang on a sec."
[Wyatt walks over to the heat lamps and picks up a tray of fries. He caries them over to a trashcan and dumps them.]
Jude: "NO-HO-HO! DUDE!"
Wyatt: "Tim's got a strict freshness policy. We have to trash anything that sits under the heat lamps for more than twenty minutes."
Jude: "So trash them into me!"
Wyatt: "No way, I could lose my job! Only employees are allowed to have the twenty-minute fries."
Jude: [thinking] "Employees, eh?" [He rubs his hands together and chortles.]
[Nikki and Caitlin peek into the loathsome washrooms.]
Nikki: "Jen, where are you?"
Jen: [from a stall] "If you're here to drag me to the VIP party at the Soft Rock Café, you can just forget it!"
Caitlin: "But Liza Lomen's gonna be there!"
Jen: "Jonesy will be there too!"
Nikki: "Okay, that's it. You have every right to be at this party. You can't stop living your life just because of one extremely naked moment!"
Jen: "That's easy for you to say! He didn't see your bod!"
Nikki: "Okay, let's get to the root of what's really bugging you here. Is it that he saw your bits and pieces?"
Nikki: "Or that he's gotten to see more of you than you've seen of him?"
Nikki: "I knew it! This is a competitive thing, isn't it? Then there's only one answer. We have to restore the balance here."
Jen: "The balance?"
Caitlin: "You have to see Jonesy naked too!"
Jen: "O-kay. But how are we gonna manage that?"
Nikki: "Leave it to me." [She grabs Jen.]
[Wyatt is flipping burgers and singing.]
Wyatt: "Almost time to rest my feet/End of the day and I smell like meat."
Jude: "Hey there, co-worker." [He is dressed in a Burger McFlipster's uniform.]
Wyatt: "Jude, what are you doing back here?!?"
Jude: "Check it out. I'm undercover."
Wyatt: "Jude, you've got a serious problem!"
Jude: "I know. So many fries, so little stomach."
Wyatt: "I think you're getting addicted to the fries!"
Jude: "Dude, I can stop at any time. Except now. Or in the near future." [A bell dings.] "Coming! Ah-ha-ha-ha!" [He picks them up to eat them.]
[Jude dumps the fries in the trash, and Tim walks off, satisfied. As soon as he's gone, Jude plunges his hands into the trashcan and begins eating.]
Wyatt: [sickened] "That is so wrong."
Chrissy: "Welcome to the Soft Rock Café!"
[Inside the Café, the opening party is in full swing. Jonesy is on his phone.]
Jonesy: "So Jen's not coming?"
Wyatt: "Last thing I heard, she was holed up in the washroom, claiming she'd never be in the same room with you again."
Jonesy: "Aw man, this is so bad!"
[Chrissy is tending the door. Her former co-workers come up to her.]
Chrissy: [happy] "Kristen! Kirsten!"
Kristen: [sarcastic] "Check out Hostess Girl."
Kirsten: [rude] "Hey Hostess Girl, nice uniform."
Kristen: "Yeah, is there a funeral in town?"
Chrissy: "Guys, it's me! Hugs!" [She spreads her arms and is greeted with derisive laughter.] "Girls?"
Kirsten: "I don't think so."
Nikki: [explaining] "They're with me now."
Chrissy: "How could you take advantage of them like that?!?"
Nikki: "Oh, it was surprisingly easy."
Chrissy: "Girls, come work with me here! It'll be like old times!"
Kristen and Kirsten: "EEEEE!" [They go over to her.] "Woo!"
Nikki: [angry] "Get back here, you two."
[Kristen and Kirsten sadly head back to Nikki.]
Chrissy: "Girls, don't you know who your real friend is?" [They turn to her.]
Nikki: "Oh, right. Who did you have more fun with, huh?" [They turn to Nikki.]
Chrissy: "Okay, come with me, and I'll give you passes to the VIP party."
Nikki: "Come with me, and I won't fire you."
Kirsten: "Stop it, guys! My brain has an owie!"
Chrissy: "She's turned you to the dark side! COME HERE THIS INSTANT!"
[Kristen and Kirsten instantly rush over and cling to Chrissy, begging forgiveness.]
Kristen: "Forgive us!"
Kirsten: "We're sorry!"
Chrissy: "That's better. I'll see you at the Khaki Barn tomorrow."
Nikki: [shocked] "You're coming back?"
Kirsten: "But what about the Soft Rock Café?"
Chrissy: "They make me wear black. And what good is a fifty percent employee discount when they don't even sell clothes?"
Kristen and Kirsten: [hugging her] "EEEEEEE!!!"
Kristen: "We love you!"
Kirsten: "You're back!"
Nikki: "Ugh. I knew it was too good to be true."
[Jude lets out a huge belch. He is lying on the floor of Burger McFlipster's, stuffed from all the fries he consumed.]
Wyatt: "So, you're still alive."
Jude: "Barely." [He burps.] "Pass me a fry."
Wyatt: "We're getting outta here, now." [He starts pulling Jude along the floor, pantsing him on the way.]
Jude: "Thank you Wyatt." [He burps.] "You're the best friend my stomach ever had."
[Nikki is waiting at the entrance to the Soft Rock Café. Jen and Caitlin walk up to her.]
Jen: "Nikki? I don't know where you got that picture, but I feel so much better now."
Nikki: "Told ya I'd fix you up."
Jonesy: [coming up to them unhappily] "Welcome to the Soft Rock Café."
Nikki: "I thought you were on wait staff."
Jonesy: "I was, but ever since Chrissy quit I'm stuck being the host."
Nikki: "You mean hostess."
Jonesy: "Shut up!" [pleasantly] "Hey Jen."
Jen: "Hey Jonesy. What's up?"
Jonesy: "Just hanging out."
[This remark provokes a big round of laughs from the girls. Jonesy stands there and smiles uncomfortably.]
Jonesy: [when the laughter abates] "I'm glad you're here. I thought, you know, you weren't gonna show up."
Jen: "And miss meeting Liza? Why would I do that?"
Jonesy: "You know, because of the whole naked thing?"
Jen: "Yeah, y'know, I've been thinking about that, and maybe I was making too big a deal about it."
Jen: "Really, it's fine. I'm so over it."
Jonesy: "Well that's cool."
Jen: "Besides, I just saw a picture of you naked, so now we're kinda even." [The girls go in.]
Jonesy: "Well that's gre–WHAT?!? Hey wait a minute!"
[Wyatt is walking Jude to the party.]
Jude: "I don't think I can handle a party."
Wyatt: "And that's the nineteenth reason why you shouldn't have eaten those fries!"
Jude: "Can't you find me a hole somewhere to crawl into?" [His stomach gurgles, and he belches.] "And die?"
Wyatt: "Have you learned your lesson yet?"
Jude: "No eating out of the garbage."
Jonesy: "Hey!" [He storms up to them.] "Which one of you two gave Jen a naked picture of me?"
Wyatt: "Why would I have a naked picture of you?"
Jonesy: [to Jude] "What about you?" [Jude barfs on his uniform.] "Aw!"
Jonesy: "Aw, that's just great!"
[Liza Lomen walks into the restaurant, flanked by her entourage. The crowd cheers her.]
Wyatt: "She's cute." [The gang are sitting at a table.]
Jonesy: "C'mon, Jen, just tell me where you got the picture! Because I'm pretty sure I've never been naked in the same room as a camera."
Jen: "Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that."
Jonesy: "Come on, guys, this isn't funny! You're bluffing, aren't you."
Caitlin: "If we're bluffing, how could we know about those three little freckles on your left thigh?"
Jonesy: [freaked out] "How'd you know about those?"
Nikki: [smug] "Oh, we know about a lot of things."
Jonesy: "Okay, that's it!" [Everyone in the restaurant stares at him.] "If you've got a naked picture of me, I want to see it right now!"
Jen: [holding up a TV remote] "Okay, Jonesy. You asked for it."
[Jen turns on the TV, and a naked photo of a prepubescent Jonesy is seen on the screen. Every one of the friends laughs except for Jude, who is too sick, and Jonesy, who is mortified.]
Jonesy: "No! Not in front of Liza!"
[Jonesy runs to try and cover up the picture. Jude suddenly gets up and runs over to Liza. He grabs her purse and barfs into it. When he's finished, he hands it back to her.]
Jude: [sick] "Here's your purse back."
[A small dog pokes its head out of the purse and shakes it, spattering Jude's barf over everyone, especially Liza. Everybody in the room gags and groans. Chuck rushes over to the star.]
Chuck: "Liza, I am so sorry. Jonesy?"
Jonesy: "I know." [to his friends] "Well I hope you're happy."
Jen: "Aw, Jonesy, don't be mad. You were a cute kid."
Jonesy: "So we're even?"
Jen: "We're even. Next time, try to wait your turn for the bathroom."
Jonesy: [lowering his hands] "No way!" [Everyone starts laughing at the photo.] "It was my turn! It was my turn!" [He quickly covers up his photographic crotch again and blushes.]