6Teen Wiki

[Jen is putting boxes on shelves at the Penalty Box. She hears a strange sound and listens closer. Soon, though, she shrugs it off and goes back to work. Behind her, someone wearing swimming flippers is approaching. Jen, sure she's hearing something, looks up and listens. The flippers start moving faster. Jen looks around and turns around just in time to face her attacker. It brings a fishing net down over her.]
Jonesy: "Got you!"
Jen: "Hey! What do you think you're doing?" [She pulls the net off of her.]
Jonesy: "Trawling."
Jen: "I didn't get you a job at the Penalty Box so you could goof around and get fired."
Jonesy: "Chill! Just familiarizing myself with the gear."
Jen: "You're gonna get me in trouble."
Coach Halder: [walking up] "I see you're familiarizing yourself with the gear. Good man." [seeing Jen with the net] "What are you doing with that net, Masterson? Get your mind on the game! Now, have you been showing young Jonesy here the plays?"
Jen: "I've been trying to."
Coach Halder: [to Jonesy] "Well, you're learning from the best. Masterson has the highest sales rate of any assistant customer coach at the Penalty Box. Carry on." [He leaves.]
Jen: [bitterly] "Thanks a lot."
Jonesy: "Aw, c'mon, Jen. You heard the man. You're the best, and I'm just your humble student."
Jen: "Okay. So let's say you've made the sale and the customer is going to buy this net, for instance." [Jonesy quits listening, distracted by something else.] "You have to scan the product code at the cash or ring it in manually." [Jonesy has picked up a bat.] "Are you listening to me?" [Jonesy swings, almost crushing Jen's head.]
Jonesy: "Yeah, you code the scan thing." [He picks up a ball.]
Jen: "Jonesy! Pay attention!"
Jonesy: "I bet I could ring it in from here."
[Jonesy tosses the ball in the air and swings. Jen ducks. The ball bounces off various store items and hits the cash register. A receipt prints out.]
Jen: "Are you crazy? You're gonna bust the cash register!" [She rushes over to the register.]
Jonesy: "What does the sale show?"
Jen: [reading the slip] "Twenty-one sixty."
Jonesy: "And how much is the cost of the bat and ball with tax?"
Jen: [shocked] "Twenty-one sixty!"
[Jonesy pretends to blow smoke off the end of the bat and spins it.]
Jonesy: [imitating a Western's theme] "Wow wha waaaaaaaahhhh."
[Jen sighs, annoyed.]

The opening credits roll.
The title of this episode is
Bring It On

[Jen is still training Jonesy.]
Jen: "So again, if a customer is returning merchandise, they have to have a receipt."
[Jonesy chuckles, spinning a basketball on his finger and not paying attention. Jen grabs the ball.]
Jen: "Jonesy, you have to know all this stuff!"
Jonesy: "I just go with my gut. And my gut is saying I'm ready to get my sale on."
Jen: "You think so."
Jonesy: "Know so."
Jen: "I guess I could try assisting you on a sale."
Jonesy: "Solid." [He spots a customer.] "I'll take that guy."
Jen: "Hold on a se–" [Jonesy throws the ball into her gut.]
Jonesy: "Can I help you?"
Customer: "Yeah, I'll take a can of tennis balls."
Jonesy: "Sure! Did I tell you about our special promotion? Two cans of tennis balls for the price of two."
Customer: [befuddled] "Uh, sure, okay."
Jonesy: [leading him to the register] "Jen will ring those in for you."
Jen: "Jonesy!" [She groans.]

[At Spin This, Wyatt is restocking CDs.]
Serena: "Hi Wyatt."
Wyatt: "Hey. You look different today." [Serena is wearing a bandana.]
Serena: "Oh, good different or bad different?"
Wyatt: "You could never look bad."
Serena: "Well maybe it's the bandana."
Wyatt: "Yeah, that's it. Looks cool."
Serena: "You think? Thanks." [She kisses Wyatt.]
Chad: "What's happening, guys? Hey, my old bandana! Heh. Haven't seen that in a while."
Wyatt: [surprised] "You're wearing Chad's bandana?"
Serena: "Oh, yeah, I never got around to giving it back to him after we broke up."
Wyatt: "You...and Chad...used to be..."
Serena: "Boyfriend and girlfriend. Yeah. You knew that."
Wyatt: "No, I'm pretty sure I didn't."
Serena: "Oh. Well, so now you know."
Wyatt: [as she walks off] "So now I know." [He spies Serena sharing a laugh with Chad and angrily rips a CD case in half.]

[Jonesy is shooting hoops at the Penalty Box.]
Kyle: "Excuse me?"
Jonesy: "Just a second, dude, going for one hundred in a row."
Kyle: "Cool. What're you shooting now?"
Jonesy: "Three." [He heaves a brick.] "Aw. Can I help you?"
Kyle: "Do you sell hockey tape?"
Jonesy: "Hockey tape? I'll bet we do." [shouting across the store] "Jen! Do we sell hockey tape?"
Jen: [to the customer she's helping] "Excuse me." [shouting back] "Yes we do!"
Jonesy: "Yes we do."
Kyle: "Where would I find some?"
Jonesy: [shouting across the store] "Jen, where is it?"
Jen: "On the shelf beside you!"
Jonesy: [taking one] "Well, that was easy." [He hands it over.]
Kyle: "Great. Thanks."
Jonesy: "Have you tried these new titanium hockey sticks? Chicks love titanium."
Kyle: "I'll take it."
Jonesy: "Good choice. Let's ring 'er up."
[Jen's eyes bulge, amazed that her inept co-worker can somehow get people to buy practically anything.]

[Jude is serving Stanley and Yummy Mummy at Stick It.]
Jude: "Here you go." [He hands a stick-it to Yummy Mummy, who gives it to Stanley.]
Stanley: "No, it's stupid!" [He throws it on the ground.]
Yummy Mummy: [unhappy] "He's done that at every stand in the food court we've been to today."
Jude: "Bummer."
Yummy Mummy: "Could you be a dear and watch my Stanley for me–" [voice breaking] "–while I go cr–I mean, powder my nose?"
Jude: "No problemo."
Yummy Mummy: "Thanks. Bye." [She rushes off. Jude looks at Stanley, and Stanley laughs.]
Jude: "Maybe this isn't such a good idea."

[Wyatt and Nikki are talking at the table. Caitlin serves Wyatt a drink.]
Nikki: "So what if Chad and Serena used to date?"
Wyatt: "So what? She's still wearing his stuff! It's like she's still, I dunno, his girl!"
Nikki: "Yeah, if it were like 1962! Don't sweat it. Buy her a new bandana and put it on her head! Problem solved. Oh, and why don't you write 'Wyatt's Girlfriend' across it while you're at it?"
Wyatt: "That's not a bad idea, thanks!" [He walks off.]
Nikki: [to Caitlin] "Wouldn't you hate to be a guy and be so confused all the time?"
Wyatt: "I heard that."

[In the Penalty Box, Jen is checking the sales records.]
Jen: "What? We're tied for sales? How could that be? You don't even try!"
Jonesy: "I think it's a combination of things. My incredible skill, and your career going downhill."
Jen: "What do you mean, downhill?!?"
Jonesy: "You know it. You peaked too soon."
Jen: "I what? No I didn't!"
Jonesy: "Face it, you're a peak-too-sooner."
Jen: [loudly] "I am not a peak-too-sooner!"
[Jen's words reverberate around the store. She hangs her head in shame.]
Stuart Goldstein: [approaching the counter] "Excuse me."
Jonesy: "I'll handle this, you go plan your retirement dinner."
Stuart Goldstein: "I'm going rock climbing."
Jonesy: "Right this way, sir."
[Jonesy starts to step out to help him, but Jen angrily trips him. A whistle blows as soon as Jonesy falls.]
Coach Halder: "Masterson! That's clipping from behind! Two minutes in the box."
[Jen heads over and takes her seat in the penalty box.]
Jen: [annoyed, to herself] "Peaked too soon!"

[Jonesy punches in a sale.]
Jonesy: "Would you like a bag for that kayak?"
[Jonesy has somehow managed to sell Stuart a bunch of unrelated gear. Coach blows his whistle.]
Coach Halder: "Attention assistant coaches. This young man here sells with a lot of heart. That kayak was for display only, and he still sold it to a customer."
Stuart Goldstein: "Is it not a functioning kayak?"
Coach Halder: "Oh no, sir. It's fine. Just make sure to bring a life jacket. No, go get 'em." [He slaps the kayak.] "Son, how about lunch? Talk turkey."
[Coach Halder leads Jonesy out of the store. Jen angrily pounds on the side of the penalty box.]
Jen: "Jonesy!"

[Jude is cleaning the counter of Stick It. Stanley comes up behind him.]
Stanley: "Jude, can I have some marshmallows for the fire?"
Jude: "For the–" [Jude gasps and puts out a grill fire Stanley started. Stanley laughs.] "Looks like I have to keep my eye on you, huh?"
Stanley: "Yes, you do."
Jude: "So, okay, what do you usually do with babysitters?"
Stanley: "Make them cry." [He punches Jude in the groin.]

[Wyatt's bandana is covered with hockey sticks and pucks.]
Caitlin: [looking at it] "Mmm-hmm."
Wyatt: "Do you think she'll like it?"
Caitlin: "It has hockey sticks on it."
Wyatt: "Yeah. So?"
Caitlin: "Did you buy the first one you saw?"
Wyatt: "Yeah, a bandana's a bandana."
Caitlin: "Wyatt, you have a lot to learn about fashion. You should take it back."
Wyatt: "Well I say she'll love it."

[Jude is walking around the mall, followed by Stanley.]
Jude: "So, what are you into, besides making babysitters cry?"
Stanley: "Hitting things." [He holds up a rubber mallet and plastic bat.]
Jude: "I'm down with that."
[Jude grabs the mallet, and they proceed to beat on a trash can and a bench.]
Ron: "What's going on here?"
Jude: "Babysittin'."
Ron: "Alright then. Carry on." [He leaves, and Jude and Stanley resume hitting things.]

[The gang, with the exception of Jude, is gathered around the table.]
Caitlin: "Did you give that ugly bandana to her yet?"
Wyatt: "No. I'm waiting for the right moment."
Jude: [arriving with Stanley] "Hey dudes." [He takes his seat.]
Nikki: "What's with junior?"
Jude: "His mom left him with me so she could go to the washroom."
Caitlin: "That's so sweet!"
Jude: "Three hours ago."
Stanley: "We broke things."
Jude: "Little dude's got a good arm."
Jen: "Listen, Jonesy, it's stupid for us to compete for sales at work."
Jonesy: "You're right, guys are just naturally better at that stuff than girls."
Jen: [shocked] "Excuse me?!?!? No! I meant we should work as a team!"
Jonesy: "Yeah, and you shouldn't feel bad about asking for help."
Nikki: "Uh, hold on. You don't think guys are better at anything because they're guys, do you?"
Jonesy: "I don't think that. I know it. Right, guys?"
Wyatt: [not wanting to say anything] "I don't know."
Jude: [unwilling to answer] "I guess?"
Jonesy: "Face it, the male race is braver, faster, stronger–we're superior."
Nikki: "Oh yeah? Prove it."
Jen: [upset] "Let's see what you've got!"
Jonesy: "Okay, pick something. Anything. And we'll do it better than you."
Nikki: [annoyed] "Fine. Staring contest. Me and Jude."
Jonesy: "Oh you're going down! Right Jude?"
Jude: "Uh...yeah."
Jen: "First one to blink loses. And...go!"
[Jude and Nikki stare. Jude blinks after a few seconds.]
Nikki: "Ah ha!"
Jen: "Nice!" [She hi-fives Caitlin.]
Jonesy: [angry] "How come you folded so quickly?!?"
Jude: "I forgot what we were doing."
Nikki: "I'm thinking of four words: I told you so!"
Jonesy: "Not so fast there, best two out of three!"
Jen: "Fine! We'll even let you pick the challenge this time!"
[The guys whisper together and settle on a challenge.]
Jonesy: "A blind lemon-chugging contest."
Nikki: "That's pure lemon juice."
Jude: "That's right. You chicken?"
Caitlin: [standing up] "I'll do it! You're on!"

[Jonesy and Caitlin face each other across the table, four shots in front of each of them.]
Jen: [giving Caitlin a pep talk] "You were made for this."
Caitlin: "It'll be a piece of cake." [She snaps her compact mirror shut.]
Nikki: "Ready? Go!"
[Caitlin tosses a shot down. Jonesy takes one as well and coughs. Caitlin takes the second; Jonesy replies and nearly chokes.]
Jonesy: [pretending he's not in pain] "That's good lemon juice!"
[Caitlin takes the third shot and pounds the table to relieve her pain. Jonesy downs his and starts clawing at himself.]
Nikki: "One more. He's gonna choke!"
[Caitlin drinks the last shot. Jonesy raises his nervously, body shaking.]
Jude: "Come on, dude! You can take her!"
Wyatt: "It's just lemon juice. You can do this."
[Jonesy touches his lips to the juice, tries to drink, and collapses.]
Jen: [joyous] "Disqualified! We have a winner!"
[The girls cheer. Jonesy moans.]
Jude: "I'm gonna take Stanley back to Stick It. Be back pronto."
[He and Stanley leave. Jonesy raises his head and coughs something out.]
Wyatt: [translating] "He says best three out of five."
Nikki: "Don't know when to give up, huh? Okay. Have I got a challenge for you."

[The five have gathered outside the mall pharmacy.]
Nikki: "Here's the dare. Go inside and buy a Miss Teen Girl magazine, a pink lipstick, and tampons."
Wyatt: "Why do I have to do it?"
Jonesy: "It's your turn. Now represent, dude!" [He shoves Wyatt inside and turns to the girls.] "Oh you're going down!"
[Wyatt reappears, carrying none of the items.]
Wyatt: "I can't do it."
Nikki: "I knew it!"
Jen: "Yeah!"
Caitlin: "Big chicken!"
Jen, Caitlin, and Nikki: "Big chicken, big chicken, Wyatt is a big chicken! Bukkaw!"

[The five are around the table.]
Jonesy: [mocking Wyatt] "I can't do it, waa waa waa!"
Nikki: "I knew we'd be better than you! But this is embarrassing!"
Jonesy: "Okay, you Nancies. One more contest."
Caitlin: "No way. We already beat you three times."
Jonesy: "Well fine. If you're chicken."
Jen: "You're on!"
Jonesy: "We choose. Winner take all."
Jen: "Bring it on!"
Jude: [appearing] "Hey guys, guess what! Stanley's mom came back, and she paid me twenty bucks! I'm watching him again tomorrow."
Jonesy: "Here's the challenge. Whoever can eat 30 stick-its and then ride the Vomit Comet without barfing wins."

[Jen and Jude are at the front of the rollercoaster cars, looking ill.]
Jonesy: "Take your time, that was a lot of stick-its."
[The safety bar snaps down, and both nearly puke.]
Jen: [gasping] "Okay. Here we go."
Jude: "Fo-cus..."
[The cars leave the station.]
Wyatt: "There goes a brave man."
[The cars race around the track. Both Jen and Jude barely hold their guts in. When it stops, Jude flops out.]
Jonesy: "Way to take one for the team, buddy!"
Wyatt: "You didn't lose it!"
Nikki: "Give us some room." [She helps Jen out of the car.]
Caitlin: "Okay. Just do what you have to do to keep those stick-it chunks down."
[This motivates Jen to run off and puke.]
Jonesy: "Yes! Jen tossed her cookies! Woo!" [He hi-fives Wyatt.] "The guys win!"
Nikki: [testy] "Fine. You won. Best five out of seven."
Jonesy: "I'm sorry, didn't you hear the challenge? It was all or nothing, remember? Winner take all?"
Jude: [weakly] "Guys rock."
Jonesy: "You know it!" [dancing] "In your face, ha ha ha, guys rule all, oh yeah!"

[Jen bags up Blonde Wave Girl's purchases.]
Jen: "Thanks. Have a good day."
Jonesy: [walking in] "Hubba hubba..." [He takes a seat on the counter.] "Good morning."
Jen: "Yeah, yeah."
Jonesy: "Got a riddle for ya: what group of people are better at things than girls?"
Jen: "I'm not in the mood."
Jonesy: "The answer is guys!"
Jen: "Oh, right. You lose repeatedly, score one win on a fluke, and declare yourselves the winner."
Jonesy: "Being gracious in defeat is a sign of maturity, you know."
[Coach Halder sets some boxes down on the counter.]
Jen: "What are those?"
Coach Halder: "Knitted soccer ball cosies. I thought we'd score a home run with these, but we didn't sell a single one. But, then again, we didn't have Jonesy on our team. You move these, and you'll make the hall of fame in no time."
Jonesy: "Thanks, Coach. You make me want to be a better salesman."
Jen: "You suck!"
Coach Halder: "Masterson!"
Jen: "Look, I'm sick of hearing how great Jonesy is." [She sighs.] "I know. Two minutes." [She heads to the box.]
Coach Halder: "You hungry?"
Jonesy: "Huh?"
Coach Halder: "Wanna grab a bite?"
Jonesy: "Sure."
Coach Halder: "Let's grab a bite."
Jonesy: "Cool."
[Jonesy and Coach Halder leave the store looking like the best of pals.]

[At Spin This, Serena is stocking CDs. Wyatt comes up behind her.]
Wyatt: "Here. I got something for you."
Serena: [gleeful] "A present?" [She takes out the hockey stick bandana.] "Wyatt, this is sweet, but it has hockey sticks on it."
Wyatt: "Cool, huh? I knew you'd like it."
Serena: "Actually, it's really not my style."
Wyatt: "Just try it on." [accusatory] "Unless you only like to wear bandanas that Chad gave you."
Serena: "Oh, is that what this is all about?"
Wyatt: "Obviously Chad has better clothes for your head than I do."
Serena: "Obviously someone has Chad issues." [She walks off.]
Wyatt: [to himself sarcastically] "That went well."

[Jude walks up to Stick It and finds three mothers waiting there with their children.]
Jude: "Whoa. Word musta got out about the new cheesy fish stick it."
Mother: "Are you the daycare facilitator?"
Jude: "Uh, no, I think there's been some kind of–"
Yummy Mummy: "We're all willing to pay seven dollars per hour per child."
Jude: "Hmm..." [making a decision] "Welcome to Dude Daycare."

[Coach Halder and Jonesy walk into the Penalty Box, satisfied.]
Coach Halder: "Ah, another fantastic lunch, Jonesy." [barking] "Masterson! Get to work!"
Jonesy: [as Coach Halder moves on] "Brought you back a little something from lunch."
Jen: "Free crappy restaurant mints. How thoughtful."
Jonesy: [yawning] "I better get back. Still have a few hours to beat that one week all-time sales record."
[Jonesy walks off. Jen punches some buttons on the register, printing out a long receipt. She grabs the paper and tears it to shreds.]
Jen: "YAAAA!"

[Jude is standing mutely at Stick It, being picked on by the kids. The blonde girl tosses him his skateboard, which she has fried. This is the last straw for him.]
Jude: "Little dudes, listen up! Field trip."
[Shortly thereafter, the kids walk through the mall in front of Jude. Stanley has a soda, and the mulleted kid has an ice cream cone. Stanley takes a sip and spits it out all over the mulleted child. When the blonde girl laughs, the mulleted child shoves his ice cream into her face.]
Jude: "Hey! Ice cream is for eating, not–"
[The kids begin to chase each other around, screaming all the way. Jude calls Jonesy.]
Jude: "Jonesy, I'm being swarmed by kids! How do I make kids stop?"
Jonesy: "Give them some chocolate, that'll calm them down."
Jude: "Right!"
[Shortly thereafter, the kids have had some chocolate, and a sugar rush has kicked in. The blonde girl bites Jude's leg.]
Jude: "Aah! Calm down, little monkey dudes, have some more chocolate!" [The little monkey dudes leap onto him, knocking him over.] "New plan. Let's go see Uncle Wyatt."

[Wyatt is putting CDs back at his job. Serena comes up to him.]
Serena: "Hey. You didn't call me last night."
Wyatt: [shrugging] "I was busy. So, you're wearing Chad's bandana again."
Serena: "That would make a great country tune."
Wyatt: "Why don't you wear the one I got you?"
Serena: "Wyatt, I want to wear this bandana. I'm sorry if it bothers you."
Wyatt: "No, no, it doesn't bother me, no." [after a moment] "Yeah, okay, it bothers me."
Mullet Kid: "CDs! All right!" [The trio of six-year-olds runs through the store.]
Jude: [calling after them] "Don't steal anything, mini dudes!"
Wyatt: "What are you doing here?"
Serena: "I'll catch up with you later, okay?" [She leaves.]
Jude: "You gotta help me. These little dudes will not chill out!" [The mulleted kid comes back and kicks Jude in the crotch.]
Wyatt: "Ooh!"

[Caitlin and Nikki are drinking lemonades when Wyatt and Jude come by with the kids.]
Caitlin: "Nice accessorizing, Jude!"
Nikki: "Uh, you boys need some help?"
Jude: "No."
Wyatt: "It's all under control!"
Nikki: "Silly us! They're the superior race, remember?"
Caitlin: "Oh, yeah."

[Wyatt and Jude have moved to the Penalty Box.]
Jonesy: "Unless you're here to increase my commissions, keep it moving."
Wyatt: "You have to help us watch them!"
[The blonde, whom Jude is holding, kicks Wyatt, forcing him to drop his load. She then bites Jude.]
Jude: [releasing her] "AAAAHHH!!!"
[The kids giggle and run around the store.]
Jonesy: "Those kids are nuts."
Jude: "Maybe Caitlin and Nikki were right, we do need their help."
Jonesy: "What? You can't show them any weakness! We can do this. They're just kids."
Jude: "But these kids are killing us, dude. Hey, where are they?"
[The kids are tormenting Stuart Goldstein, who is trying out the fake mountain as a climbing exercise.]
Stuart Goldstein: "Hey. Excuse me. Stop it. Please? Stop! Help! Help!"
Jude: [rushing over] "Little dudes! Stop!"
Jonesy: [to Wyatt] "What do you need?"
Wyatt: "I think it would be smart if we split 'em up amongst us."
Jonesy: "Sure." [grabbing the mullet kid] "Gimme one!"
Jude: "Watch that one. He's a biter." [Wyatt takes the blonde girl.] "Or maybe it's that one. I'll take Stanley here. We have an understanding already, right, dude?"
[Stanley punches Jude in his groin. Jude hacks and leads Stanley off. Wyatt takes his. The mullet begins to wail. Jonesy takes the kid and puts him in the penalty box.]
Jonesy: "Sit. Stay."
Jen: "You know, a girl wouldn't have to lock a kid up just to control him." [The kid escapes.]
Jonesy: [not noticing] "Please, kids are a breeze. He likes it in there."
Jen: [chuckling] "I think your breeze has blown."
Jonesy: [running after him] "Hey, kid!"

[Wyatt and the blonde are at Spin This. Serena is next to them.]
Wyatt: "Could I borrow your bandana so I can play cowboys with this kid?"
Serena: "Sure, I guess." [She undoes the headwear and hands it to Wyatt.]
Wyatt: "Thanks."
[The girl tips over a stack of records, which fall into another stack.]
Wyatt: "I'll get that."

[At Stick It, Jude receives a call from Wyatt.]
Wyatt: "You gotta come pick this kid up and return her before I get fired!"
Jude: "I can't, I don't know where their moms are! We're stuck with them till like, eight o'clock tonight!"
Wyatt: "Well then Jonesy's taking them!"
[Behind Jude comes an explosion. Stanley has just blown up the microwave.]
Jude: "You really have a talent for wrecking stuff, dude."
Wyatt: "Jude, just meet me back at the Penalty Box."

[A wall of merchandise is stained with a brown substance.]
Jen: "You're still sure you don't need help?"
Jonesy: "All you need to know about children is a bit of simple psychology: chocolate makes them happy."
Jen: "Well that explains this. Looks like he's been happy all over the store."
[For the first time, Jonesy looks around and sees all the chocolate stains.]
Jonesy: "Help me clean these up! Or hide them in the stockroom!"
Jen: "Oh I'm sorry, I would, but I'm on my break."
Jonesy: "Aah!"

[Jen rushes up to Nikki and Caitlin, who are still hanging out by the Big Squeeze.]
Jen: "You have to come see this."
Nikki: "Does it have anything to do with the guys screwing up?"
Jen: "Royally!"

[Inside his office, Coach Halder seems to be having a nervous breakdown. Jonesy listens at the door.]
Jen: "So Jonesy, what's Coach freaking out about?"
Jonesy: "Nothing."
Coach Halder: [throwing open the door] "Masterson! Why is there chocolate all over my office?"
Jen: "That's a really good question. Maybe your star MVP can answer that."
Coach Halder: "Jonesy, I need a word with you." [The mulleted kid suddenly appears, screaming and holding a goalie's stick.] "Whoa there little tyke–"
[The little tyke slams the stick squarely into Coach Halder's shin. The other two jump him. The guys quickly each grab a child and take their charges off of the Coach.]
Jonesy: "The kids are just–excited to see a real live legend such as yourself!"
Coach Halder: "Jonesy. W-what are you doing with these kids?"
Jonesy: [upset] "I'm watching them! It's daycare!"
Coach Halder: "Daycare? Ooh, we don't stand for moonlighting. I'm afraid you're toast. You're out of here. You're fired."
[Coach Halder slams his office door. The kids begin wailing again, and the mulleted kid takes a bite out of Jonesy's thigh.]
Jonesy: "Ow!" [He falls over and whimpers.] "Help."
Nikki: "You know, somehow 'I told you so' just doesn't cut it right now."
Jonesy: [whimpering] "Help."
Nikki: "Did you hear something?"
Jen: "Gee, I'm not sure."
Caitlin: "It sounded like a cry for help."
Jonesy: [on the edge of tears] "Help."
Nikki: "Oh, but it couldn't be. From who?"
Jen: "I don't know. Everything is under control here."
Jonesy: "Help!"
Nikki: "If you need our help, boys, we're only too happy to give it. Right girls?"
Caitlin: "Sure."
Jen: "Of course. If you need it."
Nikki: "We just have to agree first that the girls are the ultimate winners."
Jonesy: [giving up] "Okay, okay, girls rule! Now what do we do?!?"
Jen: "Did you guys think about giving the kids naps?"
[Comprehension dawns on the guys.]

[The gang sit around the table. Underneath the table sleep the three kids.]
Jude: "Sure, now they're behaving."
Jonesy: "That's taking the easy way out if you ask me."
Wyatt: "Yeah. We took them head on."
Jonesy: "Like men."
Jen: "What?!?"
Caitlin: "No way!"
Serena: [walking up] "Hi Wyatt."
Wyatt: "Oh, hey Serena."
Serena: "Can I have my bandana back?"
Wyatt: "Okay, what is so important about that bandana? What, it has sentimental value? You miss Chad, don't you? Chad and his special brown, stupid bandana."
Serena: "Actually, I'm just having a bad hair day."
Wyatt: "So why don't you wear the one I bought you? I'm your boyfriend?"
Serena: "Because hockey sticks and pucks don't really go with the rest of my look, in case you didn't notice."
Wyatt: "Oh. Yeah, I figured that." [He hands the bandana back.]
Serena: [rolling her eyes] "Right. Guys are such bad liars."
Jude: "Oh, I think not! Guys are definitely better liars than girls!"
[Jonesy leaps onto the table and slaps his hand over Jude's mouth.]
Jonesy: [whispering angrily] "Shut up! Are you crazy? You'll wake the kids!"
[The gang watches fearfully. Stanley's eyes pop open, and he giggles evilly.]

Season 1 Scripts
Take This Job and Squeeze ItThe Big SickieThe Slow and the Even-TemperedA Lime to PartyDeck the MallThe Sushi ConnectionThe Five Finger DiscountBreaking Up with the Boss' SonEmployee of the MonthIdol Time at the MallThe Fake DateMr. Nice GuyThe Girls in the BandClonesyStupid Over CupidThe Khaki GirlThe (Almost) GraduateBring It OnThe SwamiCecil B. DelusionedThe Birthday BoyEnter the DragonOne Quiet DayIt's Always Courtney, Courtney, Courtney!The One with the Text MessageBoo, Dude6teen: Dude of the Living Dead
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Hour-Long Specials
See also: Episode Guide