[Jonesy, Nikki and Wyatt are walking down a mall corridor.]
Jonesy: "Man, that party was off the hook last night! Dude, why didn't you come? There were many fine honeys there. And what do you do? Sit at home, obsessing over one girl. What's so great about this Serena chick anyway?"
Wyatt: "I can't explain it, she's just...amazing."
Jude: [skating up] "Aw, yeah!" [He kneels before a standee.] "Weasels! Weasels! Weasels!"
Wyatt: "Oh yeah, the Mighty Weasels are in town, rabies and all."
Nikki: [to the standee] "Hey boys."
Wyatt: "You know that's just a standee, right?"
Jude: "That may be, but even their image captured on cardboard leaves me humbled and small."
Jonesy: "Got your tickets yet?"
Nikki: "No. I slept in a tent outside the mall two months ago because I love the great outdoors."
Jonesy: "O-kay then. Keep your eye on the J, 'cause today, I'm gonna find the perfect job. But first, a coffee."
[Jonesy and Wyatt enter the coffee shop while Nikki and Jude hang back outside.]
Nikki: "Since when does he drink coffee?"
Jude: "Since Charmaine started working at Grind Me. Man, she is she-she-poo-poo-la-la-hot!"
Nikki: "I give him 30 seconds before she lays him out."
Jude: [imitating a sports announcer] "I dunno, Nikki, Jonesy's been training hard for this moment, and he's got a lethal combination of passion and focus."
Jonesy: [trying to charm Charmaine] "...so I said to him, 'If you call this a chai soy latte, then that must make me the Easter Bunny." [They share a laugh.]
Charmaine: "So you're really the regional manager? You look so young!"
Wyatt: [quietly] "Uh, Jonesy? I need fifty cents."
Jonesy: "I'm a bit strapped 'till payday, buddy, sorry." [to Charmaine] "Where were we?"
Wyatt: "What payday? You don't have a job!"
Charmaine: [gasping] "Liar!" [She slaps him.]
Jude and Nikki: "Ooh!"
Nikki: [imitating an announcer] "I hate to see that happen to our champion."
Jude: "Nice call. Under 30 seconds."
[Jonesy exits Grind Me. Wyatt looks desperately for change.]
Wyatt: [unhappy] "Oh, I'm short."
[Charmaine pulls the drinks away from him. Wyatt looks towards Jude and Nikki, but they show they have no money either.]
Serena: "Hi Wyatt."
Wyatt: "Oh, h-h-hi Serena."
Charmaine: "Next time you order a big grown-up coffee, count your allowance first."
Serena: [holding out a bill] "I'll spot him."
Wyatt: "Thanks, Serena." [He takes the coffee and exhales.]
Serena: "See you at work."
The opening credits roll.
The title of this episode is
A Lime to Party
[Caitlin and Jen are at the Big Squeeze, having a conversation.]
Caitlin: "The fall lines are out already, and I can't even afford these!"
Jen: "Welcome to the real world."
Caitlin: [looking at her card] "Maybe I can will some life back into it."
Jen: "Didn't that credit card get destroyed?"
Caitlin: "Duh! I had a backup." [concentrating on the card] "Ommmm..."
Jen: "What are you doing?"
Caitlin: "Channeling energy from this magazine into Daddy's credit card."
Jen: "Can I get a lemonade smoothie?"
Caitlin: "The power of this pink cardigan will now permeate the card and increase the credit...limit..."
Jen: "Look, if you're not too busy, I need a lemonade smoothie!"
Caitlin: "Oh sure!" [looking at the blender] "Now where did that on switch go again?"
Jen: [annoyed] "It's on the front of the blender?"
Caitlin: "Oh yeah!" [She turns it on.]
Jen: "You sure you've got the hang of this?"
Caitlin: "Completely." [handing over the drink] "Voilà! One lemonade."
[Jen takes a sip and starts to choke.]
Jen: "Aah! That's disgusting, Caitlin."
Caitlin: "Well there won't be any lemonade soon if someone doesn't order more lemons."
Jen: "Uh, that would be your job."
Caitlin: "Jen!" [She holds up a magazine.] "Here they are! Those new pink slacks I was telling you about! Aren't they adorable?"
Jen: "Okay. You don't have much of a work ethic, do you? I'll bet you don't even have chores at home."
Caitlin: "I do so! Like this one time, my dad made me skim our pool before a party."
[Jen looks at her, unimpressed.]
Caitlin: "It's a lemon! How hard can it be–"
[The lemon's top snaps shut on her.]
Caitlin: "I'm okay!" [after a few seconds] "How does this thing open again?"
[Jude is listening to an album at Spin This and eating crackers when a hand suddenly reaches out and flips the CD to easy listening.]
Jude: [after a few seconds of the music] "GGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIAAA!!!"
[Jude collapses to the floor, quivering, and removes the headphones.]
Jude: "What the–"
Nikki: "Uh, thought you might like a little cheese to go with those crackers."
Jude: [standing up, dazed] "Bra, that stuff like, sucks the life force out of ya, you do not want to mess with that."
Nikki: "Yeah, well you can't hog the new Weasels CD all day."
Wyatt: "This you are not going to believe."
Jude: "You got promoted out of country and western?"
Wyatt: "No, it's actually better. You are looking at the owner of two backstage passes...to the Mighty Weasels concert!"
Jude and Nikki: "AAAH!"
Jude: "Awesome!" [coming up to Wyatt] "Wyatt, man, I just wanted to let you know that I'd be honored to come. You are the best friend a dude could ever have." [singing one of the band's songs] "I am...this little carnivore...crawling's what I live for..." [Nikki grabs him and shoves him aside.]
Nikki: "Nice try, skaterboy. Wyatt's taking me. I can't wait to meet Hamster and Roadkill, they rock!"
Jude: "Neh. Back that up. I am the Weasels number one fan!"
Nikki: "Oh, is this the keychain of a moderate fan?" [She flips it open, revealing photos of the band.] "I think not."
Wyatt: "Whoa, my two best friends and both huge Weaselers? I'm gonna need to get back to you guys on this one."
[Wyatt leaves. Jude and Nikki narrow their eyes and glare at each other.]
[Caitlin is still stuck in the lemon. She searches for a way to open it.]
Caitlin: "Let's see...oh, open!" [She opens the lemon and sees, a few feet away, a giant lime.] "Was that there a minute ago?"
[The lime pops open to reveal Jonesy in a green sombrero.]
Jonesy: "Hola señorita!"
Caitlin: "Jonesy! What are you doing there?"
Jonesy: "This is my new gig! I've got a solid feeling about this one."
Caitlin: [coming over] "This is amazing! Now we get to hang together all day!"
Jonesy: "Mi casa es su casa."
Caitlin: "It has been so boring here. I almost started doing math homework just to kill time."
Jonesy: "No worries. Señor Jonesy has the keys to the lime, and he's gonna drive us to fiestaville! Vay-yi-yi-yi-yi-ya!"
Caitlin: "All right!" [She hands him a lemonade.]
Jonesy: [taking a big swig and slowly spitting it out] "This sucks." [standing on a table] "I hereby christen thee–" [he throws the cup at the lime] "–the party lime!"
Caitlin and Jonesy: "Vay-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-ya!"
[Nikki is dozing at work by a table. A hand reaches out and taps her on the shoulder, and she wakes up.]
Stuart Goldstein: [holding a pair of pants] "Hello. Could I try these pants on?"
Nikki: "Are you sure you want to?" [Stuart nods.] "This way." [She shows him a dressing room.]
Stuart Goldstein: "So, do these pants–" [Nikki slams the door and yawns. She then pulls out her cell.]
[Caitlin is directing Jonesy on the placement of the sombrero on the lime.]
Caitlin: "A little to the right!" [Her phone rings. Answering] "Hey!"
Nikki: [with a line of customers behind her] "Caitlin, I am so bored. What's going on over there?"
Caitlin: "Let's see. We're just putting the finishing touches on the lime."
Nikki: "The lime?"
Caitlin: "Yeah, Jonesy's new job. And...Jude's ditched the Stick It counter again–" [she spots the blonde at Nice Cinnabuns] "Oh! There's Jude. Hmm. He's started drinking coffee."
Nikki: [shocked] "He's what?!?"
Caitlin: "Yeah, he's over at Nice Cinnabuns ordering what looks like...a double-tall...cappuccino."
Nikki: "Jude doesn't touch coffee. He's much too wired already. Huh." [sinister] "This can only mean one thing."
Jacket Girl: "Excuse me, I need a change room."
Nikki: [annoyed] "Yeah well, just pick one! If someone's in there already, go nuts."
[Caitlin has finished the call. She yells up to Jonesy.]
Caitlin: "How's it going up there?"
Jonesy: "Chiquita, we're gonna make this food court rock!"
Caitlin: "You're really on a mission!"
Jonesy: "I think I finally found my niche. See, I'm not just selling lime juice. I'm selling lime lifestyle. Limestyle!"
[Jude arrives at Spin This with a coffee for Wyatt. Nikki sees them.]
Nikki: "I don't believe it." [She dives into the photo booth to spy on the two, interrupting a couple inside.]
Guy: "Hey! What the–"
Nikki: "Ssh! I'm trying to listen here." [imitating Jude] "Here you go, buddy, just the way you like it, dude." [normally] "Why that little suck up! So that's the way he wants to play this, huh? Friendship is one thing, but backstage Weasel passes? No. This means war."
[Nikki exits the photo booth. The camera pans to the photos, showing that the couple Nikki interrupted were the perpetually spit-swapping duo of Jason and Joanie.]
[The Party Lime is doing a bustling business. The Big Squeeze, meanwhile, is customerless. Serena arrives.]
Caitlin: "Oh, hi! A real live customer! It's been like, forever! What can I get you?"
Serena: "Actually, they just ran out of straws at the lime. Can I get one from you?"
Caitlin: [handing over a box] "Here, take the whole box! I'm sure Jonesy needs it more than I do."
[Serena heads back to the lime with her box of straws. Jonesy cuts through the crowd with a large tray of drinks.]
Jonesy: "Coming through amigos!"
[Caitlin watches, bored. Suddenly, she notices Jason and Joanie by her stand.]
Caitlin: "Hi guys! What'll it be?" [The two do not respond.] "Hmm..."
[Caitlin, realizing she's not getting any business, closes the lemon, removes her uniform, and goes over to join the party next door. A short man in a cowboy hat then arrives and walks up to the closed lemon.]
Big Steve: "Hey, what's going on here?" [to Jason and Joanie] "Have you two seen Caitlin, the lemon girl? Hey, I'm talkin to you, boy!"
[Without stopping, Jason hitches his thumb backwards to point at the party going on next door.]
Big Steve: [in a high-pitched voice] "AAAAAAHHH!!!"
[Caitlin is leading a conga line.]
Caitlin: "Ole, ole, ole–" [She runs into Big Steve.] "Hey boss."
Big Steve: "Whaddya think you're doin?"
Caitlin: "The conga!" [explaining herself] "I wasn't selling anything at the Squeeze anyway, so I thought I might as well close up."
Big Steve: "Sales are down. Waaaay down. If things don't improve, we may have to pack it in and move the lemon."
Caitlin: "That is a great idea. And I've got the best location! It's right next to my favorite knitware store on the second floor!"
Big Steve: "Save it, Caitlin. There's only room for one giant fruit in this mall. We'll be movin' to the East End Strip Mall!"
Caitlin: [shocked] "A strip mall?" [after it sinks in] "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
[Caitlin hurries to the escalators and runs up one.]
Caitlin: "Stay calm...frown lines are ugly, frown lines are ugly..."
[At the Penalty Box, Jen is showing a fishing rod to a customer. Caitlin rushes in.]
Caitlin: "Jen–strip mall–Big Squeeze–"
Jen: [to the customer] "Excuse me for a minute, sir." [to Caitlin] "What's with you?"
Caitlin: "Oh, Jen! I thought having Jonesy around would be so much fun, but his lime is blowing the lemon out of the water and now Big Steve wants to move it to a–"
Jen: "A what? You can tell me!"
Caitlin: [starting to cry] "A..." [wailing] "STRIP MALL!!!"
[Jen looks around. A crowd of customers has gathered to stare.]
Caitlin: "What am I gonna do? I'll never see you guys ever again, and the nicest retail in sight will be a 7/11!"
Jen: [grabbing her] "Listen to me, Cait! You've got to pull yourself together!" [Caitlin starts to calm down.] "Just do the best job you can do." [In the background, the customer starts to get his line tangled.] "Actually, being at the Squeeze would help. And everything might work out."
Caitlin: "Might work out? That's terrible advice. I'm in serious trouble here! I need party ideas."
Jen: "Okay. How about..." [thinking] "...Christmas in July?"
Caitlin: "Really? You think people would go for that?"
Jen: "Sure. Why not?"
Caitlin: "Okay. Thanks!"
Jen: "Call Nikki. I bet they're not using those Khaki Barn Christmas decorations this month."
[The customer reels in his line and pulls in a wild Stanley, who is hooked on the end by the seat of his pants.]
[The phone rings at the Khaki Barn. Kirsten picks up.]
Kirsten: "Good afternoon. Khaki Barn."
Caitlin: "Hi! Is Nikki there?"
Kirsten: "We don't know where Nikki is, but if you see her, could you go ahead and tell her there's a whole table to fold with her name on it? Thanks." [She hangs up.]
Caitlin: "Hmm." [She ends the call.]
[Nikki is at Spin This with Wyatt. She has been doing his work.]
Nikki: "Okay. I've restocked the Cowboy Classics section, gotten new batteries for your Discman, and here are your cell phone messages." [She hands over a sticky note.] "I wrote them all down."
[Suddenly, loud Mexican party music starts blasting.]
Jonesy: "Ay-yi-yi-yi-ya! Señors y señoritas, it's time to mamba on down to the Party Lime for booming beats and tasty treats."
Nikki: "He's so gonna get fired."
Jude: "Aw, yeah!" [rolling up to Nikki and Wyatt] "Check it out, guess who just scored 14,000 points on the Jungleator?"
Nikki: [rolling her eyes] "Hmm. Let's see. You?"
Jude: "Good guess, but no. It was–" [pointing to Wyatt] "–this gentleman, right here, folks!"
Wyatt: "Really? You entered my initials?"
Jude: "I even signed your autograph for some fans, they were all like 'Wyatt, I am not worthy.' Dude, you're a legend down there."
Wyatt: "Thanks, man. I've always wanted to be a legend."
Nikki: [sinisterly, to Jude] "Oh, good one, jungle boy. But this war isn't over yet."
[Jonesy is still serving boatloads of customers. Meanwhile, the Christmas in July tack is not going off well, even though Jude, Wyatt, Jen, and Nikki are all wearing Santa hats to help Caitlin out.]
Jen: "Isn't this fun?"
Caitlin: [trying desperately to stir up some business] "Who wants an eggnog-flavored lemonade?"
Jonesy: [at the Party Lime] "Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-ya! Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-ya!"
Wyatt: [checking his phone] "Yikes, look at the time! I've gotta get back to work!"
Nikki: [stealing the excuse] "Me too."
[Wyatt, Nikki, and Jude leave, wearing guilty grins. Jude comes back and removes the Santa hat.]
Jude: "I just wanted to take this opportunity to wish you the best for the holiday season."
Caitlin: [watching them leave] "I'm so finished."
Jen: "Don't worry. Business will pick up soon. Everybody loves Christmas in July."
Jude: [faintly] "Dude!"
[Jen looks over to the sound. Wyatt, Nikki, and Jude are partying at the lime.]
Jen: "Those traitors!"
Caitlin: "I guess I can't really blame them." [She removes her Santa hat.] "This party does suck."
Jonesy: [dancing over] "Hola señoritas. When are you coming over to shake what your mamas gave you?"
Jen: [accusatory] "You don't get it, do you?"
Jen: "This lemon's going down!"
Caitlin: "Big Steve says–" [gulping] "'There's only room for one giant fruit in this here mall.'" [She starts to cry.] "And it looks like you're it."
Jonesy: "Whoa. That's heavy."
Jen: "I thought a Christmas party would be cool, but there's no competing with you."
Jonesy: "Who said anything about competing? I was just doing what I do best. This calls for a change of plans. No lemons are leaving this mall if I have anything to do with it." [to Caitlin] "All you have to do is learn how to make decent drinks. Yours suck." [Jen nods in agreement.] "I'll take care of the rest. I will rock this giant fruit so hard that I will get the lime kicked out of the mall first!"
Caitlin: "You'd do that for me?"
Jonesy: "I was probably gonna get fired anyway. Might as well go out with a partay."
[Jonesy walks off, ready to crank the party up to tremendous levels.]
Caitlin: [pulling out a recipe book] "Looks like I've got some recipes to learn!" [blowing the dust off and opening the book] "Okay. Water, lemons, and...sugar! I knew I was forgetting something!"
[Nikki walks through Spin This with a tray of raw fish.]
Nikki: "I brought some sushi for your...lunch..."
[Jude has laid out a veritable buffet and is feeding Wyatt.]
Jude: "Lunch is under control, courtesy of Stick It." [He feeds Wyatt a bite.]
Wyatt: "What, no mustard?"
Jude: "Coming up." [He rushes off.]
Nikki: "Nice." [She notices Wyatt staring at Serena dreamily.] "Just because we are such good friends, I'm going to do you a huge favor." [She heads towards Serena. Wyatt grabs her arm.]
Wyatt: "You're not going to talk to Serena, are you? You'll mess everything up!"
Nikki: "What 'everything' are you talking about? Have you ever even spoken to her?"
Wyatt: "As a matter of fact, we've exchanged over sixteen words, all of them quality."
Nikki: "Don't worry. Girls have this code: hearing that a guy is great from another girl is like gold."
[Nikki flexes her muscles and goes off to Serena. Wyatt watches, unable to stop her.]
Serena: "Hey Nikki, what's up?"
Nikki: "Oh, just getting psyched for the Mighty Weasels concert."
Serena: "Oh yeah! I heard about it. Sounds good."
Nikki: "I'm hoping to hook up with Wyatt. He's going too."
Serena: "Really? You and Wyatt? You guys hang, huh."
Nikki: "I know he works in country, but Wyatt's vibe is strictly punk. There's a lot going on under that–uh–mature exterior."
Nikki: "Wyatt is so smart and so poetic."
Serena: "Hmm. He is kinda cute."
Nikki: "Oh, but totally out of my league. He's more into your type."
[Serena looks over at him. Nikki goes back to Wyatt.]
Nikki: "Now, my friend, all you have to do, is ask."
Wyatt: "Wow! Thanks, Nikki! If this Serena thing works out, consider yourself a member of Wyatt's inner circle."
Wyatt: "And inner circle people are Mighty Weasel people."
[Jude returns, panting.]
Jude: "One mustard, for the gentleman?"
Wyatt: "Huh? Oh, yeah. Just put it down over there. Nikki?"
Nikki: "Don't mind if I do." [She takes a bite. Jude's eyes widen, and Wyatt walks off.]
Jude: "Hey. What happened here?"
Nikki: "That's for me to know, and you to find out. Sucka."
[Caitlin pours some sugar into the lemonade and stirs it. Jonesy drops by.]
Caitlin: "Jonesy, come and test this."
Jonesy: [taking a sip] "Now that's what I call lemonade!"
Caitlin: "How's your plan coming along?"
Jonesy: "No sweat. If there's one thing the Jonesmiester is good at, it's getting fired." [through a megaphone] "Today is the day for this mall to partay! Free drinks for every Party Lime customer!"
[The crowd cheers. Caitlin gapes at Jonesy's bravado.]
[Spin This is shutting down. Jude and Nikki come up to Wyatt outside the store.]
Jude: [launching into his spiel] "Wyatt, man, I know it's gonna be tough choosing between me and Nikki, but I just wanted you to know that Nikki makes fun of the way you dance."
Nikki: "I do not!"
Jude: "This look familiar, Nikki?" [He imitates her mockery.]
Nikki: "Well at least I don't–" [making a kissy face] "–all over Serena when Wyatt's not looking!"
[Wyatt looks at Jude angrily.]
Jude: "Lies, man! All lies!"
Jonesy: "Whoa, whoa little scrappers. I'm in good deed mode these days. Maybe I can settle this fight by taking that pass off your hands?"
Jude and Nikki: "No, don't!"
Guy in baseball cap: "Whoa, Jonesy!"
Blonde guy: "Heard you're throwing a wicked party!"
Guy in baseball cap: "In a giant lime!"
Blonde guy: "Yeah, dude. We heard it was out of control!"
Jonesy: "Heck yeah it is! Follow the tunes, hombres, right to the heart of the food court! And tell the rest of the team!"
Guy with goatee: "You rock, buddy!"
Nikki: "And how does mister 'good deeds' feel about booting Caitlin out on her butt with his Party Lime?"
Jonesy: "Ah, ye of little faith."
Wyatt: "Speaking of the lime, who's watching it?"
[The Party Lime has been taken over by the partygoers.]
Charmaine: "Limbo contest!"
[Caitlin watches. Suddenly, the lime snaps shut.]
Jonesy: [entering with Jude, Wyatt, and Nikki] "La vida loca time, amigos! Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-ya!"
[The partygoers start to rock the lime back and forth.]
Charmaine: "Hi Jonesy. Great party."
[With one tremendous push, the jocks tip the lime. It begins rolling through the food court.]
[Jonesy pushes Charmaine out of the way and begins to run from the lime.]
Jonesy: "Wwwhhhhhoooooaaaa–" [The lime runs him over.]
Guy in crowd: "That's gotta hurt."
[Jonesy regains conscience at the feet of an old lady. He looks up.]
Jonesy: "Oh, hey there, boss."
Old Lady: "You can stop calling me that right now! You're fired!"
Jonesy: [quietly] "Yes!" [Caitlin smiles.]
Old Lady: "Do you have any idea how many complaints I've had from store owners, customers, and even security?!? As of right now, I am shutting this lime down!"
Caitlin: "Thirsty party people! I've got awesome drinks over here!"
[The crowd cheers and heads to the Big Squeeze. Jen helps Jonesy up.]
Jen: "That was somewhat human of you, Jonesy."
Jonesy: "And you thought I never used my popularity for good."
Charmaine: "This lemonade rocks. Too bad about your party, Jonesy. See you at Grind Me later?"
Jonesy: "You got it, gorgeous."
[Charmaine walks off. Meanwhile, Caitlin is busy serving customers.]
Caitlin: "There you go. Two lemonades. Here's your change."
[Big Steve comes up and sees the long line of customers at the Big Squeeze and gasps.]
Big Steve: "Welp, it looks like the Big Squeeze can stay put after all."
Caitlin: [ecstatic] "That's incredible! Free drinks for everyone!"
Big Steve: [screeching] "AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"
Caitlin: "If–you buy–ten, I mean." [She grins sheepishly.]
[The gang is gathered around the table drinking lemonade. Caitlin puts some cash into the register. Jonesy leans back and sighs happily.]
Wyatt: "What are you so happy about? You got fired. Again."
Nikki: "And your lime's in some wrecking yard."
Jonesy: "Ah, but you see this time, I tried to get canned. I feel a real sense of accomplishment!"
Caitlin: [hugging him] "You're the best!"
Nikki: "Maybe I was a little hard on you. That was actually kinda classy."
Wyatt: "Funny, because frankly, I'm disgusted by the way you two have behaved."
Wyatt: [holding up the passes] "So I won't be giving these to either of you. You should have looked at your selfless friend Jonesy here as an example."
Jonesy: "All right! Mighty Weasels here we come!"
Serena: [coming up to the table] "Hey Wyatt! Can't wait for our big Weasel date. Just you, me, Hamster and Roadkill."
[Jude and Nikki stare at Wyatt angrily. Wyatt grins nervously and then takes off.]
Jude and Nikki: [giving chase] "Get him!"
[The two chase Wyatt into the fountain.]
Nikki: [being held back by Jonesy] "Give me those passes!"
Jude: "Hand 'em over, dude."
Serena: "Hi Wyatt."
Wyatt: [embarrassed] "H-hey Serena. How's it going?"
Serena: "Better than you, I think. Want me to keep those, uh, passes dry for you?" [Wyatt hands them over, and Serena tucks them into her sweatshirt.] "See you at the concert, baby." [She walks off. Wyatt stares after her dreamily.]
Jude: "Whoa, dude, that chick really digs you."
Nikki: "Yeah, normally I'd tear you limb from limb, but...nice going, stud."