Love At Worst Sight/Script

[Serena affixes a nametag onto Marlowe's top.] Serena: "There you go." Marlowe: "Thanks, Serena. I can't believe I'm working here! This is awesome!" Serena: "You say that now. Wait until you unpack all these CDs." Marlowe: [chuckling] "It's still better than hocking skateboards at my old job. Now I work in the music biz!" Serena: "Maybe one day someone will be stocking your discs. It just better not be me." [Marlowe chuckles.] Marlowe: [checking out CDs] "Public Nuisance? And Geez Louise? Killer! I got the bootleg from their comeback tour!" Serena: "I just saw their farewell tour with Wyatt last year." Marlowe: [awkwardly] "Wyatt's a megafan." [Silence decends.] Marlowe: "Listen, it's not weird that–" Serena: "That we've both dated Wyatt? Not unless that makes us weird." Marlowe: "Yeah, yes." ''[They laugh. Wyatt walks by the store.]'' "Uh, speaking of Wyatt, I'll be right back." [calling to him] "Wyatt!" Wyatt: "Hey, Marlowe!" [They kiss.] "What happened with your interview for that amazing job?" Marlowe: "I got it!" Wyatt: "Hey! Congratula–" [realizing where she works] "–tions? Wait. You're working here?" [Marlowe nods.] "At Spin This?!? With Serena?!?" Marlowe: "I thought you'd be happy for me." Wyatt: "Uh, happy? Yeah, that's what I am. I'm happy. Hap-py. I'm thrilled. Anyway, gotta go!" ''[He runs away. Marlowe stares after him.]'' "Ex-freaking-static!"

''The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is Love at Worst Sight''

[Wyatt's head is on the table, and he is groaning.] Jen: "What's the matter?" Wyatt: [groaning] "Marlowe just got a job at Spin This. With Serena!" Jude: "New girlfriend and ex-girlfriend? Bummo combo." Jonesy: "Yeah, you might want to do something about that, bro." Caitlin: "Especially since you were so crazy when you and Serena broke up. You wouldn't want Marlowe to find out." Wyatt: "No, no I wouldn't. Aw, I wanted a fresh start with Marlowe. I'm losing my freshness!" Nikki: "I think I know a product for that." Jen: "Don't worry, Wyatt." ''[Suddenly, Jen glances over at a table. The guy sitting there raises a menu to cover his face.]'' Wyatt: [moaning] "What am I gonna do?" Jonesy: "You gotta break it up. Don't let them do that girly-bonding thing chicks do." Wyatt: "How?" Jonesy: "Do I look like a chick?" Caitlin: "Girls bond over things they have in common. Hobbies music shopping movies shoes clothes accessories shoes boys–did I mention shoes?" Wyatt: "Twice." Caitlin: "Good. Girls are friends with other girls they can trust, you need to break down that trust, you know them both intimately so you'll need to use that to your advantage." [Wyatt nods.] "Nnngh! I can't believe I just sold out my sisters! You're helping a friend, Caitlin, helping a friend." Jonesy: "You could do all that, or you could just slip a CD into Marlowe's bag so it looks like she stole it." [His friends stare at him oddly.] "What? Oh, like you weren't all thinking it." Nikki: "Uh, no, we weren't." Wyatt: "I don't want to get Marlowe fired." Jonesy: "It's the only way, dude. Slip her the disc." Wyatt: "I think I'll just tell her how I feel." Jonesy: [shocked] "What, and be honest?" Nikki: "You should try it sometime." [Jen looks over to the person at the other table, who is using a coffee cup to cover his face.] Jen: "What is with that guy? Do I know him?" Nikki: "Uh, how are we supposed to know if you know a guy that you don't know if you know?" Jen: "He keeps hiding his face when I look at him." Jonesy: "So stop looking at him. I gotta jet. New job. You are looking at the new assistant optician at Four Eyes Only." Nikki: "You. An assistant optician." Jonesy: "Uh-huh. I'll be selling glasses and giving people free eye exams." Jude: "Free exams? You mean there are tests that people have to pay for? Ugh." Jonesy: "Yep. But not ours. If you can see, this is one exam you're guaranteed not to fail, bro." Jude: "Sweet!" [He fist-bumps Jonesy.] "Sign me up." Jonesy: "Got you down for one. We've got lollipops, and just got in some slick new frames." [Nikki shrugs.] "C'mon, I work on commission!" Caitlin: "Cute frames? Okay!" [Jonesy pencils in Caitlin and looks at Jen.] Jen: [giving in] "Fine." Nikki: "I better get going too. Later." Caitlin: "Later!" [Nikki and Jonesy leave.] Wyatt: [getting up] "Well, wish me luck." Caitlin: "Good luck! Where're you going?" Wyatt: "To appeal to Marlowe's sensitivity."

''[Marlowe and Serena are at work together. Marlowe picks up a CD.]'' Marlowe: "What's this?" Serena: "Oh, it's the best mix. A guy I dated at camp gave it to me." Marlowe: "Can I listen to it?" Serena: "Oh yeah sure, totally!" ''[Serena pops the disc into the shop's stereo, and she and Marlowe begin grooving. Wyatt comes to the store.]'' Serena: [leaving the counter] "I'll be right back with more stock." [Marlowe notices Wyatt and walks over to him.] Wyatt: "Marlowe, can we talk for a sec? About–before?" Marlowe: "You mean, when you were really happy for me?" Wyatt: "Look, I'm sorry, I'm glad you love your new job, but–what about the skate shop?" Marlowe: "They understand. I thought you would too." Wyatt: "Sure. I mean I do. You love music. But–Serena? After I mixed up your names, you didn't want to hear about her, let alone hang with her!" Marlowe: "You asked me to get over it, Wyatt, and I did. Serena seems cool." [She kisses Wyatt's cheek.] "I think we're gonna be friends." [She walks back to the sales counter.] Wyatt: [shocked] "Friends?!?"

[Jonesy escorts his boss out of the store.] Jonesy: "Don't you worry, sir, the store is in good hands!" Optician: "The conference will only be two days. And I'll be back as soon as I can. Are you sure you can handle this?" Jonesy: "Absolutely! I will personally see to everything while you're gone!" [The optician leaves.]

''[Jen, Caitlin, and Jude walk through the mall. Suddenly, Jen sees the guy from before, who quickly covers his face.]'' Jen: "Did you see that? Urgh! Who is he? And why is he hiding from me? Is it that guy Dillon from camp?" [She gasps.] "Or that man I sold the defective jockstrap to." ''[Jude clutches his crotch, imagining the agony. He and his friends enter Four Eyes Only.]'' Jonesy: "You ready?" Jude: "Just let me warm up." ''[Jude moves his eyes around in their sockets. Jonesy rolls his eyes.]'' Jonesy: "Cover one eye and read the chart. Top line." Jude: [trying] "Um–heh-uh–I have no clue what it says, dude." Jonesy: "None of it?" Jude: "No, bro." Jonesy: "I guess you need glasses." Jude: [shocked] "I need glasses? You said I'd lick this test!" [Jonesy pulls down the lens-testing machine.] "Whoa-hoa! What are you doing with that thing?" Jonesy: "Don't worry, it's how we determine your prescription." Jen: "We? Do you know how to work that thing?" Jonesy: "Yes. I went through six hours of training. And the optician verifies all the prescriptions. Now sit!" ''[Jude sits down, and Jonesy starts moving through lenses. Each one makes the chart blurrier.]'' "Now is it better like this, or like this? Like this, or like this?" Jude: "Um, like that? I guess?" Jonesy: "Don't worry, bud. We'll have you seeing again in no time." Caitlin: "These are perfect for you, Jude!" [She perches some frames on his nose.] Jude: "Okay." Jonesy: "A fine choice, sir." [He gives Jude a lollipop and takes the glasses.] "What about you two? Better eyesight will help you check out the hotties." Caitlin: "Ooh! Alright." Jen: "I guess it couldn't hurt." Jonesy: "Score! See you at four!" [to himself] "I am gonna make a sweet commission." Penalty Box Customer: "Hi, I, uh, would like to have my eyes checked?" [hobbling forward] "Oh, uh, golly, that eye chart is looking pretty blurry. I think I need new lenses." Jonesy: "Wait a sec. Blurry eye chart means you need new glasses?" Penalty Box Customer: "Well um, um, yes?" Jonesy: [getting an idea] "Blurry eye chart. I'd be loaded in no time! You may be practically blind, but you've just shown me the way, dude!" [His customer blinks nervously.]

''[Wyatt walks up to the doors of Spin This. He is on the phone.]'' Wyatt: "Aw, man. I don't know about this." Caitlin: "I don't like it either, Wyatt. But you can't lose Marlowe. Not because of Serena." Wyatt: "Marlowe's gone." Caitlin: "Then get in there!" [Wyatt walks up to Serena.] Serena: "Oh hey, Wyatt. Marlowe's in the washroom." Wyatt: [chuckling] "Oh, Marlowe. She's got a bladder the size of a pea! And her memory. Don't be too hard on her if she forgets where she put the CDs. Or misses a shift or two. I'll catch up with her later. Bye."

[Wyatt and Marlowe walk through the mall.] Marlowe: "Wyatt, you ever notice that Serena can be a bitc-controlling? She keeps asking me where the CDs are, and reminding me about my next two shifts." Wyatt: "The girl's got trust issues." Marlowe: "I hope she starts trusting me soon, 'cause she's driving me crazy!" [Wyatt grins.]

''[Caitlin is looking at frames. Jen is about to start her exam.]'' Jonesy: "For the first part of the test, I'll need you to shut your eyes." Jen: "What does this test?" Jonesy: "Your night vision." Jen: "Oh." [She closes her eyes.] Jonesy: "Can you see anything?" Jen: "No." Jonesy: "Good!" [He pastes a blurrier version of the eye exam over the real one.] "Okay. Now open your eyes." [Jen does as commanded.] "Cover one eye and read the chart." Jen: [trying to read it] "Wow, it's kinda blurry. Um, E, F, L–no, P! Um, oh. I don't know!" Jonesy: "Tough break! You need glasses." Jen: "I–I don't believe it!" Jonesy: "The chart doesn't lie."

[Serena is looking at a bunny inside the pet store.] Serena: "Aw, isn't that floppy bunny the cutest?" Wyatt: "Yeah, I love bunnies. Marlowe loves lizards! Gross, huh?" Serena: "Uh, I guess."

[Country music is playing inside Burger McFlipster's, where Wyatt and Marlowe are eating.] Wyatt: [covering his ears] "Eeeugh! Did you know that Serena loves country music? Country music!" Marlowe: [smiling] "Really?"

[Jen and Caitlin follow Jonesy out, sucking on lollipops.] Caitlin: "Thanks, Jonesy. I can't wait for my new glasses. They're so cute! And they help me see!" Jonesy: "Right you are. The optician will get them right away. They'll be yours tomorrow." [smiling] "Things are looking up."

''[Marlowe and Serena are stocking CDs. Wyatt is spying on them. Suddenly, his phone rings.]'' Wyatt: [answering in a whisper] "Hey." Caitlin: "How's it going?" Wyatt: [whispering] "Ssh! I'm eavesdropping!" Serena: "Wyatt tells me you've got a thing for lizards?" Wyatt: [whispering] "I didn't want her to tell Marlowe! I just hoped she'd think she was weird!" Serena: "I love them too. Look what I got!" [She pulls up her shirt, revealing a lizard tattoo.] Marlowe: "It's so cute! Wyatt thinks lizards are gross." Serena: [picking up a CD] "Jeb Farmer? This should be in the country section." Marlowe: "I actually kind of like Jeb Farmer." Serena: "Really? Me too!" [Wyatt gapes.] Wyatt: [whispering] "I thought Marlowe hated country!" Marlowe: "Wyatt hates country. He was so insistent that I told him I hated it too." [Wyatt pouts.] Serena: "Did he put on that pouty face he sometimes makes?" [She imitates Wyatt's pout.] Marlowe: "That's it!" [They laugh.] Caitlin: "Wyatt! What's happening?" Wyatt: [whispering] "Oh, they're laughing at me! I gotta do something! I'll call you back." ''[Wyatt hangs up. He sees a mix CD and Marlowe's bag on the counter and gets an idea. He sneaks over and puts the CD in Marlowe's bag. As soon as he leaves, the CD drops out into the wastebasket.]'' Marlowe: [heading back to the counter] "Oh, you got to see the picture I got of him at one of our gigs. Classic Wyatt." [She spots the CD in the trash.] "Hey. Isn't this your favorite mix CD?" Serena: "It must have fallen off the counter into the trash." [Wyatt starts.] "Thanks so much! I would've been bummed if I lost it. I'm so glad you're working here." Marlowe: "Really?" Serena: "Totally." ''[Wyatt slaps himself on the forehead and leans back against a CD shelf. It collapses.]'' Serena: "Wyatt?" Marlowe: "Wyatt?" Wyatt: [laughing manically] "Hey...uh...yeah...you should probably fix this." [He darts out of the store.]

''[The gang are seated around the table. Three of them have glasses on. Strangely, Jonesy is missing.]'' Wyatt: "I always hated that mix CD." Jen: "Did you really knock over the entire stand of CDs?" Wyatt: "Yes. I did." Nikki: "Yeah, sorry things aren't–working out, Wyatt. I–I hope you can–unh, you guys are freaking me out! Are those even the right prescription?" Caitlin: "Jonesy said they might be a bit blurry, but our eyes will adjust." Nikki: "They're not new shoes! You're not supposed to have to break them in!" Caitlin: "That's the price of looking good, I guess." Jen: [gasping] "There's that guy again! He keeps staring at me!" Nikki: "Where?" Jen: [pointing] "Over there! He's holding a soda can in front of his face! What is his problem?" [Jen is pointing at a soda can sitting in front of a basketball.] Nikki: "That's a basketball, Jen. I'm not sure he's the one with the problem." Jen: "Oh." Wyatt: "Yeah, that's me, remember? I can't believe I pulled that stunt with the CD! That's the last time I listen to Jonesy." Nikki: "I thought the last time you listened to Jonesy was gonna be the last time you listened to Jonesy." Wyatt: "Can you remind me next time?" Jude: "Dude, you just have to chill." Wyatt: "How?" Caitlin: "Maybe you should try hanging with Chad. He's pretty chill." Wyatt: "Serena's boyfriend? He's so chill he's got permanent brain freeze!" Caitlin: "Wyatt, Serena's hanging with your girlfriend, so hang with her boyfriend and see how she likes it." Wyatt: "I'll fight fire with fire! Thanks!" [He races off to find Chad.] Nikki: "Someone might want to get the fire department on speed-dial." Jude: "I'm on it." [He takes out a small book and starts tapping away on it.] Nikki: "That's not your cell, Jude!" Jude: "I know. It's a loaner. Mine's busted. Though this one doesn't seem to be working so well either."

[Marlowe, Wyatt, Chad, and Serena are hanging out inside Grind Me.] Serena: "Such a great idea for all of us to hang out, Wyatt. Good thinkin'!" Wyatt: "So, Chad, you like movies?" Chad: "Totally." Wyatt: "Seen anything good recently?" Chad: "Definitely." [Wyatt waits for Chad to elaborate, but Chad just keeps nodding his head.] Wyatt: "Okay, I'm done. Marlowe, can I talk to you for a sec?" Marlowe: "Okay. Actually, I gotta head out. See you tomorrow, Serena?" Serena: "Definitely." Chad: "See you." [Wyatt and Marlowe exit the coffee shop.] Wyatt: "I can't take this anymore, Marlowe. I don't want to hang out with Chad." Marlowe: "You're the one that suggested it." Wyatt: "Can't you just get your old job back at North Shore? Please?" Marlowe: "Wyatt, I can't believe you'd ask me something so selfish and thoughtless." Wyatt: "Selfish, maybe, but I've given it a lot of thought!" Marlowe: "Goodbye, Wyatt." ''[She moves on. Wyatt hangs his head.]''

[Jonesy is advertising his services in the mall food court.] Jonesy: "Get that new pair of glasses and see things for how they really are! Spot those unsightly blemishes!" [A woman feels her face.] "That chin hair! Your really ugly husband!" ''[Harold's wife takes a gander at her husband. All around Jonesy, people fall and get into tangles thanks to their intentionally misdiagnosed vision.]'' Ron: [wearing glasses] "It's like the war all over again! Only smaller!"

[Wyatt is sitting with his friends.] Jen: "So, how'd it go?" Wyatt: [holding up two tickets] "This is my last hope." Nikki: "Two tickets to the Geez Louise reunion concert?" Wyatt: "I got these as a peace offering for Marlowe." Jude: "Dude, if things up until now haven't worked, try the opposite." Wyatt: "You mean I should support their friendship?" Jonesy: "Worth a try, though I myself have never resorted to being nice." Wyatt: "I'll break 'em up with my niceness!" Jen: "Coach always says to play to your strengths." Wyatt: "I'll offer these to Marlowe and Serena as a show of support and boyfriendliness! Thanks, Jude!" Nikki: "Caitlin, pass me your sunglasses before I'm blinded by Wyatt's sincerity."

[Wyatt and Marlowe are inside Spin This.] Wyatt: "I really am sorry, Marlowe. I got these for you, and Serena." Marlowe: "Two tickets to see Geez Louise with Serena? Wow, Wyatt! You're the best boyfriend ever!" ''[Marlowe and Wyatt hug as Serena looks on. She glances over at Chad, who is lazily snacking.]'' Serena: "Yeah, thanks, Wyatt. You really are a great boyfriend."

''[Jen stares intently at the creepy staring guy who has been plaguing her. His face is obscured by a bag of chips.]'' Jen: "What is with that guy?!?" Jude: "Maybe he's hiding from the freaky chick that's spying on him." [The guy gets up and starts to move off.] Jen: "Oh no." [She gets up and follows.] "You are not getting away from me so easily this time." [A crashing sound is heard] "Aah! My head!" Wyatt: [walking up to Jude] "Jude! You da man! I scored huge with Marlowe and Serena! Be back, this celebratory smoothie's gone right through me!" [He walks away, leaving his backpack on his seat.] Jude: "People don't realize how brainy I can be." Nikki: "You make it easy to forget." Jude: "Thanks, dudette." [In another part of the food court, two people wearing glasses collide.] Ron: "Enough! We have reached an unacceptable level of chaos!" Nikki: "So a certain level of chaos is acceptable?" Ron: "Not now, son. That kind of talk just adds to the pandemonium." [He dives under the table.] "Who's there?!? What's that?!?" [He sniffs the air as Jonesy sits down with a big wad of money.] "I–I smell–fraudulence." Jonesy: "It wasn't me, dude!" Ron: [standing up] "I got my eye on you, punk! I see everything." [He walks off and falls into the fountain.] "The horror! Swim for the shore, men!" [hallucinating that he's back in the war] "Swim! Swim! For the shore!" [Serena walks up to the table.] Serena: "Um, has anyone seen Wyatt?" Jude: "I think he's in the washroom celebrating." Serena: "Okay then. I just–wanted to give him something." [She slips a note into Wyatt's backpack.] "Well I'll catch you later." [She leaves.] Jude: "Later." [Jen comes back.] Caitlin: "So, did you catch your mystery guy?" Jen: "No. And I grilled everyone and they don't know who he is!" [Wyatt comes back.] Jude: "Dude, some chick was just here to see you. I didn't really get a good look at her." Wyatt: [reaching into his backpack] "What's this?" [pulling it out] "A note? From Serena?" [scanning it] "What? Serena likes me?" Jen: "She likes you likes you? No way!" Wyatt: "I'd better go clear this up." [He leaves.] Caitlin: "Serena likes Wyatt?" Jonesy: "So much for the nice guys finishing last. I thought girls liked the bad boys." Ron: "You mean the kind of bad boy who would do this?" ''[Ron is no longer wearing glasses, and he has a chart in each hand. He unfurls them for comparison.]'' Jonesy: "Uh-oh." Caitlin: "It's kind of hard to read." Ron: "That's because this maggot blurred out the letters to sell more glasses." Jonesy: "It's not what it looks like!" Nikki: "Actually, it's exactly what it looks like. I can't believe you stooped so low as to sell glasses to people who don't need them! People like your friends!" Jen: [removing her glasses] "What happened to 'the optician verifies all prescriptions'?" Jonesy: "He's out of town." [quickly] "I was gonna tell you, I swear! As soon as I got my commission. No hard feelings, right?" Jen: "Actually, the floor was pretty hard when my head landed on it!" Jude: [excited] "So I passed the exam?!?" Jonesy: "Actually, you didn't, Jude. I didn't scam you." Jude: [disappointed] "Oh...thanks, bro." Ron: "I WOULD HAUL YOU OFF IN MY VEHICLE IF I KNEW WHERE I LEFT IT! But I will find it, oh yes I will. And when I do, I will find...YOU!" [He hears a scream in the distance.] "Man down!" ''[Ron runs off to assist. Jonesy sits there, shaking.]'' Jen: [spotting her spy] "That's it, I've got him!" ''[Jen hustles over to the spy and slaps the pizza out of his hands. He has a huge pimple on his nose.]'' Jen: "AAAAHHH!" Zit Guy: "AAAAAHHH!" [He quickly covers his face again.] "Please! What do you want with me?" Jen: "Oops. Sorry." [calling to her friends] "Hey guys! Turns out I don't even know this guy! He was just trying to hide his monster zit!" [Everyone in the food court hears this.] "Oops. Sorry. Again." [The boy bows his head in defeat.]

''[Wyatt walks into Spin This and spots Serena. He walks over to her. As he goes, the note falls out of his back pocket.]'' Wyatt: "Serena! What is with–" [He pats his back pocket.] Marlowe: [with the note] "Are you looking for this?" Wyatt: "Marlowe! Don't–" [Marlowe reads the note.] Marlowe: "Serena. You like Wyatt?" Serena: "Yeah, I–I guess I do." Marlowe: "And you told him behind my back." Serena: "Sorry, but–I had to be honest! You've grown up, Wyatt. You're a great boyfriend." Wyatt: "Marlowe's great boyfriend." Marlowe: "I think you were right about me working here, Wyatt. I quit!" Wyatt: [to Serena] "Uh, now might be a good time to listen to some of that achy-flaky country music you love so much." ''[Marlowe and Wyatt leave. Chad walks by.]'' Chad: "Whaddup?" Serena: "Nothing." ''[Serena sighs and hangs her head. Outside the store, Marlowe and Wyatt walk through the mall.]'' Marlowe: "I should never have talked so much about you with Serena. It was so dumb to tell her how great you are." Wyatt: "You told her how great I am?" Marlowe: "Of course! Why do you think she's crushing on you?" Wyatt: "Wow. Where were you when Serena and I were dating?" [Marlowe looks at him angrily.] "Nnt! Wrong thing to say?" Marlowe: [bemused] "Um, yeah." [She grabs Wyatt's hand and leads him onwards.]

''[The gang are gathered around the table. Jude is still wearing glasses.]'' Jonesy: "So my boss came back and I had to refund everyone their money. Enh, I guess I better start looking for a new gig." Nikki: "You're lucky you're not looking for new friends, too." Caitlin: "So it all worked out with Marlowe?" Wyatt: "Totally." Jen: "It's about time you got to dump Serena." Wyatt: "Felt pretty good. I finally see Serena for who she really is." Jude: "I wish I could see...my friends...the lemon...my backpack..." Nikki: "Jonesy!" Jonesy: "What? I swear I didn't use the trick eye chart on ya, Jude! Maybe I wasn't a seasoned pro with the prescriptions, but you failed the exam all on your own." [He picks up the chart and walks over to Jude.] "See? Not blurry." Jude: "Yeah it is." Nikki: [impatient] "Take your glasses off, Jude." Jude: [not wearing his glasses] "Still can't read it." Jonesy: "Not even the top line?" Jude: "Epifit–efipitozalaped. What kind of word is that? Doesn't make any sense, dude." [Jude's friends laugh.] Nikki: [laughing] "Jude!" Jude: "What?" Jonesy: [patting Jude's head] "You might not get it, bro, but you can see just fine."