Smarten Up

Smarten Up is the 48th episode of 6teen and the 22nd episode of the second season. It aired on Teletoon in Canada on February 23, 2006, and remains unaired in the United States.

Two college students interview Caitlin for a school project, and one of them falls in love with Caitlin. He asks her out, and she readily agrees; however, she then starts to worry that he won't be willing to date a high-schooler, so she pretends to be a college student in order to date him. Meanwhile, Jonesy gets a job escorting elderly people around the mall, and Jude becomes obsessed with Grind Me's new contest.

Main Plot
Two college students are walking through the mall and doing research for a school project when they spot Caitlin working at the Big Squeeze. They decide to interview her, and one of them swiftly falls in love with her and mistakes her pronouncements about fashion as analogues for women's struggles. Upon realizing that Josh thinks she's a college student, Caitlin decides to go along with his misconception, and soon he invites her to have coffee with him.

To help with her college act, Caitlin changes her wardrobe, putting on a tweed jacket, a t-shirt, and jeans. To complete the ensemble, she decides to add a pair of glasses, but soon finds out that she actually can't see very well with prescription lenses in. Despite this, she keeps the glasses on, but soon Nikki points out another problem: she may not have anything to talk about on her date. This worries Caitlin, so Jen suggests that she and Nikki feed Caitlin lines through her cell phone so that she'll never be stuck for something to say.

When date time comes, Jen tries to feed her friend lines through text messaging, but trouble comes when she makes a typo and then tries to correct it. When she does this, though, Josh misinterprets what happened as evidence of Caitlin's quirkiness, and soon they begin having better chats when Nikki uses her laptop to send messages. However, his plan fails when an overcaffeinated Jude comes by and spills coffee all over Nikki's laptop, breaking it. Upset, Nikki shuts the laptop on Jen's hands as Jen is trying to type, and soon Jen cannot text.

Despite not being able to communicate information to Caitlin, Josh tells his date that he doesn't care about a subject she suddenly is unable to remember anything about, and that he likes her for who she is. Caitlin is cheered by this, and by the end of the date they are comfortably in love with each other, so much so that Josh suggests taking the relationship to the next level. Upon hearing this, Caitlin tells him that she has a rule about not kissing on the first date, to which Josh reveals that he had something else in mind: he wants to meet her friends. Upon hearing this, Caitlin kisses him vigorously in order to drive the idea out of his mind.

Despite this, the idea keeps reoccurring to him, and Caitlin realizes she'll have to eventually introduce him to her friends. In order to not blow her masquerade as a college student, she convinces them to all pretend they're college students as well. They agree, and when Josh and his friend Connor come by, all of them pretend to be college students. Josh and Connor accept these lies, and soon Josh suggests that all of them go to a movie.

Caitlin readily agrees, and that night Caitlin and her college friends go out to see a film. Connor suggests one rated R, so to get out of this Wyatt claims that he's already seen it. When Josh points out that it's opening night, Wyatt quickly lies that his father was the director, and Josh and Connor buy this lie, allowing the group to see a romantic comedy instead.

After the movie, they go to Grind Me, where Wyatt is roped into pretending he's a psych major. To reinforce his lie and explain why Jude is banging on the window of the coffee shop, Wyatt pretends that he's in a class on addictions–which Connor just so happens to be in as well. Wyatt goes along with this, and pretends that Jude is part of a project he's doing–surprising Connor, who merely planned to write an essay.

Jude continues to bang on the glass until George Bickerson comes by with a coffee that he bought. Upon seeing this, Jude begins hyperactively talking to the old man until he suddenly collapses from overexertion. This soon leads to George being rolled away on a stretcher for treatment, Jonesy being fired from his job, and Jude being strapped to a stretcher as well so that they can treat his hyperactivity. Josh and Connor are shocked by the goings-on and think things can't get weirder until Kirsten walks up and tells them that a pregnant woman is stuck in one of the changing rooms at the Khaki Barn.

It's at this point that Jonesy's lie about being a gynecology student comes back to bite him, as he is pushed into the changing room in order to make the delivery. Jonesy manages to do so, and his doing this convinces Josh of one thing: Caitlin's friends are amazing, and so is she, but they're too serious for him. The next day, he breaks up with Caitlin in favor of somebody he has more in common with: Kirsten.

Sub-Plot One: Jonesy the Mall-Walker
Jonesy is drinking coffee with his male friends when he reveals to them he has a new job: mall-walker. Essentially, he escorts old people around the mall, a gig he considers easy because of how slowly they move, allowing him to get ahead by walking normally and then waiting patiently until his clients catch up. Soon, the job gets even better, as girls he meets around the mall think he's a young man spending time with his grandparents, and Jonesy uses this as a way to pick up girls.

Eventually, though, he gets annoyed with how slow his charges are, and that's when Wyatt comes up with an idea to cure Jude's coffee addiction and help Jonesy out: Jude can still buy coffees, but the only ones permitted to drink them will be Jonesy's old people. This way, the elderly will move faster, and Jude can continue to play the Grind Me giveaway. This turns out badly, however, as one of Jonesy's clients suffers a heart attack after drinking too much coffee, and Jonesy gets fired from his job as a result.

Sub-Plot Two: Coffee Prizes
Jude is drinking coffee with Wyatt and Jonesy when he notices something interesting at the bottom of his cup: a peel-off contest! Upon spotting it, he peels the bottom off only to find that he hasn't won. Undeterred, he grabs Wyatt's coffee, downs it, and peels again to find another loss. Jude is hooked, however, and he orders ten coffees to go.

Soon, Jude is drinking and peeling his way through a mountain of coffees inside Underground Video. When Wyatt sees him doing this, he starts to worry, and when Jude runs off to take a coffee break, Wyatt chases him in an attempt to get his friend to stop before he hurts himself. This chase leads to the food court, where Jude steals Nikki's coffee and then accidentally spills it all over her laptop. Wyatt finds Jude here, slurping coffee from the wrecked computer, and once again tries to reason with him; Jude is impervious to Wyatt's words, however, as he just checks the bottom of Nikki's cup, where he finds another dud.

Eventually, Jude escapes, and he hides in the restroom with a huge pallet of coffees. Wyatt finds him here, and with reason no longer working, Wyatt decides to use force. He takes Jude's coffees, pours them out, and informs his friend that he has been cut off. From then on, Wyatt is on Jude every step he takes, making sure that Jude can't have any coffee until he comes up with a solution to solve Jude's obsession with winning the contest: Jude can give the coffees to Jonesy's elderly clients so that they'll move faster, while Jude gets to keep whatever prizes he might win.

Jude begins doing this, but finds himself desiring the beans, and when George Bickerson collapses from a caffeine-induced heart attack Jude steals the coffee the old man had with him. The paramedics notice him and his jitteriness, however, and soon Jude is strapped down. Over the next week, Jude detoxes, and ends up coming back to the mall when his side-effects subside, where Jonesy gives him good news: his last coffee was a winner. Jude is stoked to hear about this–until he learns that what he won was a year's worth of free coffee.

Quotes
Connor: I'll say. Nikki: Yeah right. Wyatt: Jude, wait up! You gotta stop! Wyatt: Jude! No! You're losing it! (He bumps into an old man as he runs past.) Jonesy: Hey, careful man, my grandfather has arthritis! Blue Dress Girl: You're so sweet. Nikki: Okay, this I gotta hear. Caitlin: Josh wants to take our relationship to the next level. Jonesy: Alright! Going to second base! Caitlin: No! To him, the next level means hanging with my friends. Jonesy: Yeah, I've done–what? Caitlin: Every time he brings it up, I kiss him. You know, to distract him. But it's not working anymore! Jonesy: How could that not work? Wyatt: Wait a sec! If meeting the friends is the next level, then I've gone there a couple times! Would that be considered second base? Jonesy: Hanging with the friends is not even on the base. I mean, you're not even in the stadium yet, buddy! You are still at home, digging in the couch, looking for bus fare to get to the stadium! Old Man: (shocked) We do? Connor: Right. Like a guy would give up a trip around the world so he could bring flowers to his girlfriend. Connor: Whoa. This is freakier than frosh week. Nikki: Cool. Jen: Nice! Jude: No way! What did I win, dude? Jonesy: "Free coffee for a year." (Jude looks psyched until it sinks in. He then bangs his head on the table.) Wyatt: "I'll take that."
 * Connor: I'm strangely reminded of the mating habits of the woodland baboon.
 * Josh: Wow! The way you used the lemon to symbolize women's burden was unbelievable!
 * Jude: Hey! There's a bottom-of-the-cup contest on the bottom of my cup!
 * Jen: Remember. It's not your looks he's after; it's your brains.
 * Jude: (overstimulated on coffee) Yes! Coffee break! I could use a coffee!
 * Jude: (reading the slip from the bottom of his cup) Please try again. (pushed over the edge) Okay, dude! I said, okay!
 * Josh: Forget Stephen Hawking; it's you I'm interested in.
 * Jude: Drink and peel, drink and peel, drink and peel, drink and peel...
 * Caitlin: Josh wants to meet you guys. I can't fend him off anymore. My lips are chafed!
 * Jonesy: Would you mind going a little faster? We have a date at the Gigantoplex in ten minutes.
 * Caitlin: That was such a sweet movie.
 * Jude: (being wheeled away) Drink, and peel, drink, and peel, drink, and peel.
 * Connor: That's okay. Jonesy's a fifth-year gynecology student.
 * Jonesy: You won, Jude! You won! I found your last coffee cup on the floor back there. It's a winner!

Trivia
Reason for firing: He didn't care about his job and took advantage of the elders for any scheme he hatched. Reason for breakup: Despite finding Caitlin and her friends amazing, Josh realized they were much too serious for him and decided to date Kirsten since they had more in common.
 * Jonesy's job: Mall Senior Escort
 * Caitlin's boyfriend: Josh
 * The episode was banned from airing in the United States because of the scene with George Bickerson's heart attack, as well as having scenes that deal with near-death experiences, frauds, addiction, and physical violence, all of which would've went against Cartoon Network's code of honor about such things in their cartoons.

Errors

 * Connor asks what the gang is majoring in despite believing that most of them are freshmen. In the real world, most colleges don't require a declaration of major until the end of sophomore year/start of junior year.
 * Caitlin's mascara starts running when Connor broke up with her. She, however, didn't start crying until after he left.

Episode connections

 * Near the episode's end, the baby Nikki calls "Redhead" would later appear in the season 4 episode "Labour Day - Part 2."
 * This is the first time Caitlin is seen wearing pants. She was seen wearing a different pair of pants in the episode "Girlie Boys" where in that episode, Caitlin's overconsumption of chocolate made her gain weight.

Cultural references

 * Jonesy's job as a "gynecologist" references the Van Halen song "Hot for Teacher."
 * This marks another instance where Van Halen is mentioned. The first occurrence was in the previous episode "The Lords of Malltown."
 * Nikki references the movie Mission: Impossible when referring to how hard it will be to make Caitlin sound sophisticated.
 * This is not the first time a Tom Cruise film has been referenced in the show. Jonesy's favorite movie, Top M16s, appears to be the 6teen universe's version of Top Gun, which also starred Tom Cruise.