The Five Finger Discount

The Five Finger Discount is the 7th episode of the series. It aired on December 19, 2004 in Canada and remains unaired in the United States. Jen has a crush on a cute guy, but he only notices her when she's wearing a specific brand of new, expensive jackets that the Penalty Box has just gotten in. Jonesy gets a new job at Things That Beep by lying on his resume. Jude falls in love with a talking massage chair.

Main Plot
Jen has just received a slushy from the Big Squeeze and turned to leave when she realizes she forgot to pay. However, when she tries to give Caitlin her money, Caitlin waves her off, stating that drinks are on the house for her friends. Naturally, Jen's moral sensibilities are offended by this statement, and she rushes off to tell her friends about Caitlin's lapse of morals only to learn that all of them have taken stuff from their workplaces–Jude absconds with the occasional hot dog from Stick It, Wyatt has taken demo CDs from Spin This, and even Nikki took argyle socks from the Khaki Barn for Wyatt's birthday present.

Jen is not satisfied with the excuse that everyone else steals from work, and she makes this clear to Nikki while Nikki hangs out at Jen's workplace. However, soon Jen is distracted by a new piece of merchandise the Penalty Box has gotten in: a beautiful new jacket. Jen tries it on just to pretend for a moment she can afford it, and when she does so she catches the attention of a cute guy named Carson.

Later, Jen is sitting with Jonesy when she sees a girl walk by with the jacket on. When she remarks on this, Jonesy suggests that instead of moping about life being unfair, Jen should use a discount to get the jacket. Jen points out that her discount won't help much, but Jonesy restates his idea and this time includes the term "five-fingered" in his description. Upon hearing this, Jen is initially resistant, but Jonesy manages to talk her into it, and when Carson talks to Jen and mentions the jacket, the idea becomes even more firmly implanted in her mind. Later that day, when Coach Halder punishes her for slacking off, Jen makes her decision, and that night she steals the jacket.

When she shows up at the Big Squeeze the next day, however, her friends are not impressed with her lawbreaking behavior, and Jen finds herself stumbling around trying to find an excuse for her theft. The only reason she can come up with is that Jonesy convinced her, and that is thin gruel to her friends. Jen finds herself in a hard situation, though, as Carson notices her again and actually asks her if she can go out with him that afternoon.

Jen does go out with Carson, but finds herself unable to have a good time as she's paranoid about getting caught with a hot jacket. When she hears Coach Halder complaining about the theft while she's at work, Jen decides that she has to return the jacket, and enlists her friends to help her. That night, they keep watch to make sure Ron doesn't catch Jen while Jen sneaks into the Penalty Box after hours and hides the jacket inside.

The next day, Coach Halder reveals to Jen that he found the missing jacket under a pile of hockey gloves that morning. Upon hearing this, Jen cheerfully remarks that the jacket must not have been stolen, and Coach Halder tells her that he thought the same thing–until he saw an unauthorized entry code from the previous night, pulled the tape, and discovered evidence of Jen's crime. While Jen is not being fired due to Coach Halder respecting her returning the jacket, she and her friends are going to be punished by spending fifteen minutes in the penalty box.

Sub-Plot One: Jonesy's Resume
When Jonesy begins bragging about having secured a cool new job at Things That Beep, his friends start to wonder how he manages to always get a new job despite repeatedly being fired. Wyatt snatches Jonesy's resume to look for a clue, and finds that it's full of false accolades that Jonesy never really received. While his friends aren't exactly certain about how ethical Jonesy making these claims is, they're willing to let him lie–especially when Blade and Christo arrive and invite Jonesy to go skydiving with them since his resume says he was a junior skydiving champion.

The next few days are filled with Jonesy messing up at his job due to being placed in positions he is not competent enough to handle because he lied on his resume. These situations range from him having to help a customer that only speaks German to operating a stereo incorrectly and driving off a customer. However, none of these failures get him fired; rather, what ends up getting him fired is when Blade and Christo find a plastic pen from Things That Beep on his person outside of work, and fire him for stealing.

Sub-Plot Two: Jude's Chair
Jude heads into Things That Beep to see Jonesy on Jonesy's first day of work. While there, he falls into a massage chair and finds out that it can talk to him in an alluring feminine voice. Soon, Jude falls in love with the chair and starts treating it as though it's his girlfriend.

Nikki and Wyatt are not happy with Jude's newest manifestation of his odd view of the world, however, and set out to get him a girlfriend. Their first choice is a girl who works at Nice Cinnabuns, but when she finds out that Jude is in love with a chair she gives up on him. Jude's infatuation looks like it might be cured when Jonesy sells the chair, but all that happens is that Jude ends up heartbroken. To try and comfort him, his friends suggest that he check out the new chair Things That Beep ends up getting in, but Jude is unwilling to do so, so his friends decide to leave him at the Beep to grieve. There, Jude meets Starr, who perfectly understands Jude's pain due to having gone through the same thing when her mother threw out her old desk lamp. Upon hearing this, Jude looks at Starr, and his heart starts to mend as he suggests that they get drinks together.

Quotes
Wyatt: (seeing a piece of paper in Jonesy's pocket) Isn't this your resume? (He grabs it.) Jonesy: Hey, give that back! Wyatt: Says here you were Volkswagen salesman of the year, and chairman of the Save the Lobster campaign?!? Impressive. Blade: We're going skydiving tonight. Thought you might like to join us for a jump. Jonesy: (nervous) A jump? Out of a plane? Christo: Yeah, it says on your resumé you're a Junior National Skydiving Champion. Blade: Then we're on for tonight. Christo: We pack our own chutes. Don't forget your crash helmet. Jonesy: (as they leave) I'm...so...there. Yeah. Nikki: It was nice knowing you, Jonesy. Jude: Man, I heard people bounce when they hit the ground from that high up. Jen: Really? Because I heard they just go SPLAT like a giant water balloon. Wyatt: Then there was the guy who died of fright on the way down. Jude: Sure, but the dude would've lived if he'd just pulled the right cord. Jonesy: (freaking out) The right cord? Which one's the right cord? Wyatt: Another skydiver got pureed by a jet engine? Jonesy: (nervous) Pureed? Nikki: You're not the only one who thinks so. (She points to Carson outside.) Nikki: Um, Jude likes chasing balls. Wyatt: He's like having your own puppy. Book Girl: (uncertain) Right...puppies are cute... Jude: Yeah. How'd you know?" Starr: When my mom got rid of my old desk lamp, I cried for two days. Jude: Hey, wanna grab a squishy? Starr: Sure. (They walk off. Kyle Donaldson comes by and sits in the chair.) New Betty: Hello. What's your name?
 * Jonesy: A good resume opens doors.
 * Jonesy: Christo! Blade!
 * Jen: You won't believe what just happened.
 * Jen: (trying on a jacket) Oh, I look so hot...
 * Book Girl: So, does he like tennis?
 * Starr: Sold your chair, huh?

Trivia
Reason for firing: Blade and Christo found out he stole a pen from the store, albeit unintentionally.
 * Jonesy's job: Salesman at Things That Beep

Episode connections

 * Kyle Donaldson, Caitlin's ex-boyfriend from the previous episode, has a brief cameo at the end when he sits on the new "Betty".

Errors

 * Coach Halder states that he checked the security footage when the jacket is "re-found", and this is how he discovered Jen's deceit. Strangely enough, he didn't check the security tape when the jacket was first stolen, an action you would think would be Halder's first prerogative after calling Mall Security.