It's Always Courtney, Courtney, Courtney!/Script

[Nikki, Caitlin, and Wyatt are inside El Sporto's. A waitress sets a bowl of nachos on the table.] Waitress: "One Kitchen Sink Nachos. Knock yourselves out." Nikki: "I think you are my favorite person in the whole world." Waitress: "That's real nice, honey. Know what'd be nicer? A big tip." ''[She leaves. The three dig in as Jen walks up.]'' Jen: "Hey guys. What's up?" [She crams several bites of nachos into her mouth.] Nikki: "Not much, Jaws." Caitlin: "Is everything okay?" Jen: "It was, until she came back." Nikki: "Uh oh. Courtney's back in town?" Wyatt: [to Caitlin] "Jen's older sister." Jen: "Make that Jen's prettier, does everything better than me, everyone loves her more older sister." Wyatt: "You're just as pretty as she is." Jen: "When was the last time you saw her?" Wyatt: "Maybe when I was twelve." Jen: "Trust me. She's prettier." Caitlin: "How come I haven't met her?" Jen: "She's been away at–" [in air quotes] "–university." Nikki: "Doesn't she usually go skiing for Spring Break?" Jen: "Apparently, all her fabulous friends with chalets are sick, so she's here, just dying to ruin my life!" Jonesy: [offscreen] "He's right behind us, dude!" [Jonesy and Jude run into the restaurant.] Jude: "Dive, dive!" ''[They hide under their friends' table. Ron rushes in.]'' Ron: "Yo!" [skidding to a stop] "Okay, which way did those punks go?" Wyatt: [flatly] "Who?" Ron: "Don't play games with me, maggot. I saw them come this way." Caitlin: [giggling] "What's that stuff all over your face?" Ron: "Those two covered my walkie with shoe polish. When I get through with them, they'll wish they were never born." [Under the table, Jude and Jonesy giggle.] Nikki: [kicking Jonesy] "Ssh!" Jonesy: "Ow!" Ron: "What was that?" Nikki: "Uh, what was what, sir?" Ron: "I distinctly heard a noise." Jen: "I didn't hear anything." [Jude shifts and bumps into Caitlin.] Caitlin: "Ow!" [Ron turns to her.] "Did you mean, a noise like that? I heard it too. And it's really annoying." Wyatt: "I'd wash that shoe polish off, or it might stain your face." Ron: "What did you say, scum?" Wyatt: [cowed] "It's just an opinion." ''[Ron, accepting this, leaves the restaurant. Jude and Jonesy crawl out from underneath the table.]'' Jonesy: [laughing] "Did you see his face?" Jude: "Dude." Jonesy: "Jude." [They bump fists.]

''The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is It's Always Courtney, Courtney, Courtney!''

[The teens walk through the mall.] Jen: [agitated] "I can't help it, she makes me crazy!" Nikki: [to Jude and Jonesy] "Big sis is back for the week." Jonesy: [gasping] "Hot babysitter Courtney's back?" [He sighs.] "Ahh." Jude: "Dude. She is so hot." Jonesy: "We used to beg our parents to call her. I think I even chipped in my allowance once!" Wyatt: "Remember the white jean jacket?" Jonesy: "With the tight ripped jeans?" Jude: "Dude..." Jen: [annoyed] "Oh yeah. Today's gonna be fun. I'm just gonna have to face the fact that as soon as she gets here, I'm gonna lose all of my friends." Nikki: "No you're not. You're our friend." Caitlin: "Best friends! She could never replace you." Jonesy: "Right. Who cares if she's hot?" Courtney: [offscreen] "Hi." ''[The guys stop and gasp. Courtney is incredibly hot.]'' Jonesy: [shocked] "Who's your daddy." Jude: [stunned] "Hello..." Courtney: "I'm Courtney." [The guys gaze at Jen's big sister lustfully.] Jen: "Great." [She sighs.]

[The gang and Courtney have moved to the Big Squeeze.] Courtney: "So, since Tiffany was sick, and Brandi's beach house was being renovated, I just came back home." Jonesy: "Well I for one, am glad you did." Jude: "I think you're really hot." [Caitlin rolls her eyes.] Caitlin: [annoyed] "Men." Courtney: "This town is kinda beat, but we can still have some fun, right Flash?" Jonesy: "Flash?" [Jen looks shocked.] Wyatt: "Oh, there's a story here." Jen: "Don't you dare tell them, Courtney!" Courtney: "Okay, okay! Just a nickname Jen picked up when she was little. So, what's everybody doing today?" Jen: "We have to work, remember?" Jonesy: "Whoa! I'm gonna be late for my new job! Dudes, why don't you come check out my new gig? C'mon!" [He shoves his male friends.] Wyatt: "Okay, fine." Jude: "Alright, alright." Courtney: "Bye, boys." Wyatt: "Bye." Jude: "Later." Jonesy: "See you, beautiful." [They leave.] Courtney: "Can you believe how long it's been since I've been to this little mall, Flash?" Jen: [growling] "I'm going to work. See you later." [She leaves.] Courtney: "What about you two? Wanna hang out?" Nikki: "Huh? I think I hear the Clones calling. The low-slung cords just came in." Courtney: "You work at the Khaki Barn? I used to work there! Maybe I'll drop by later." Nikki: [shrugging] "It's a free world." [She leaves.] Courtney: "Okay. I guess it's just you and me." Caitlin: [giggling nervously] "Looks like."

[Nikki and Jen pass by the pharmacy.] Jen: "She always does this! Just waltzes in and steals all my friends." Nikki: "Well, maybe she was just being friendly. She could've changed." Jen: "Do you even remember Jeremy?" Nikki: "The guy from tennis camp?" Jen: "Uh-huh. She stole him from me! He kissed me, and then she stole him! Because she had bigger boobs!" [Jen notices that people are staring and stops talking.] Nikki: "Oh yeah. Uch. What a skeeze he was." Jen: "And Samantha! My best friend in Grade Two? She stole her too!" Nikki: [skeptical] "Okay, okay, how could she steal a best friend?" Jen: "She had way better Barbies!" [She gasps.] "Do you see what's happening?" [paranoid] "She's already got you defending her!" Nikki: "I'm not! But you have to deal with her. Sisters don't just go away." Jen: "Unfortunately." Nikki: "Don't worry! We're not going anywhere. No matter how many Barbies she has." Jen: [relieved] "I guess you're right. I don't need to worry about you guys."

''[Jonesy's new job is at a photography place. Wyatt and Jude are playing with the costumes.]'' Jude: [wearing a horned helmet] "Check it out, dudes, I'm a Viking!" Wyatt: [in a cowboy hat] "Grab some sky, Viking." Jude: "Kiss my axe, cowboy!" Jonesy: [walking over to them] "If you two losers are finished, can we talk about something important? Like, how hot is Jen's sister!" Wyatt: "She is outstanding, dude! I mean, I remember her being cute, but–" Jude: "Let me try to put it into words. AAAAHHH-HAAAA! FIRE, DUDES! Sss!" [The guys laugh.] Wyatt: [calming down] "I love older women." Jude: "Me too. There's something cool about knowing that she used to tuck me into bed in my Underoos." Jonesy: "Oh yeah. We were just dumb kids." Wyatt: "And now we're men of the world. I've had my heart broken–" Jonesy: "I've gone on a date with Nikki–" Jude: "I've thrown up in my girlfriend's mouth–" Jonesy: "Yep, I guess we've all been through the fire and can truly call ourselves men." [Jude farts.] "Ah, dude!" Wyatt: "Sick!" Jude: "Sorry. Kin-kinda snuck up on me." ''[The three cough in the fumes. Jonesy's phone rings.]'' Jude: "Aren't you gonna answer it?" Jonesy: "No way! It's probably that Lydia chick." Wyatt: "The one from Battery Stop?" Jonesy: "Yeah. She's hot and all, but she's way too clingy." Wyatt: "Like how?" Jonesy: "Like she's been calling me ten times a day! Showing up everywhere I go!" [The store phone rings, and Jonesy heads off to answer it.] "Yello, Glitter Shots. We put you in the picture and dress you up funny." Lydia: "Hi Jonesy! It's me!" Jonesy: [covering the receiver] "It's her!" [Jude and Wyatt gape.] "Uh, Lydia, hi! How are you?" Lydia: "I'm great! I just wish I could see you right now." Jonesy: [uncomfortable] "I wish I could see you too." Lydia: "Your wish–" [doubled] "–is my command." Jonesy: "Huh?" Lydia: [behind him] "Hi!" Jonesy: [shocked] "Guh, Lydia! Nice to see you." Lydia: "Oh, I missed you so much!" [She pulls him into a hug.] "Every minute we're apart is an eternity." Jonesy: [freeing himself] "Yeah. Right. Um, so I'd love to hang out, but uh–" Wyatt: "Ahem." [He is dressed as a knight, with Jude as his princess.] "Can we speed this up, son? My wife and I have been waiting for fifteen minutes for our picture." Jude: [in a falsetto] "That's right. Hurry up." Jonesy: "Right with you!" [to Lydia] "Sorry, I have to get back to work. You know how it is." Lydia: "Yeah, you're dedicated to your art." Jonesy: "Well ah–I don't know if I'd call it art." Lydia: "Well, I'll see you later! And dream about you until then!" [She kisses Jonesy's cheek and leaves.] Jonesy: [sighing relievedly] "Thanks guys, you rock." Jude: [in a falsetto] "Anytime, dude."

[Jen has just made a sale at her job.] Jen: "Thanks for shopping at the Penalty Box. Have a good day!" Coach Halder: "Good work, Masterson. That's a new sales record! MVP all the way." Jen: "Thanks Coach! I do my best." [Jen picks a basketball up off the counter and turns around only to encounter Caitlin and her sister.] Caitlin: "Jen! I had no idea your sister was so cool!" [Jen gets a thousand-yard stare.] "She took me to the best shops." Courtney: "Don't be so modest. You have an eye for halter tops that blows my mind." Caitlin: "I do? Really?" Jen: [shellshocked] "It's all happening again." Courtney: "So this is where you work! I could never work here, it smells like gym socks. But it totally suits you. You even get to dress like a guy." Jen: "It's a referee's uniform, for your information." Courtney: [to Caitlin] "The joke in our family was that Jen was the brother we never had." Jen: "I like sports, so what?" Courtney: "Oh, don't get me wrong, sports are cool." [She grabs the basketball from Jen and tosses it through a hoop.] Caitlin: [amazed] "Wow." Courtney: "I was on the team that won the city championship." [to Jen] "But your team's good too. Didn't you get to the quarters?" Jen: [irritated] "Semis." Courtney: "Right." [leaving] "C'mon Cait, let's hit the Khaki Barn!" Caitlin: [clapping] "Okay!" [looking at Jen] "Unless...you want...me to stay?" Jen: "No, go." Courtney: [as they leave] "Catch you later, Flash." ''[Angry, Jen picks up the basketball and attempts to dunk it. She breaks the hoop.]'' Coach Halder: [hearing the hoop break] "Wha-bup-alright, that's coming out of your salary, Masterson!"

''[Jude is now manning the cash register at Glitter Shots. Beside him is Pokey the Panda.]'' Lydia: "So, you don't know when he'll be back?" Jude: "No, he went out and said specifically to tell you he didn't know when he was gonna be back?" Lydia: "Hmm. Well, give him this gift for me." [She rifles through her purse.] Jude: "What is it?" Lydia: "It's an anatomically accurate life-size sculpture of my heart! I did it from an MRI I had last year." [Jude and Pokey glance at each other.] "I would've made a model of my soul to go with it, but–it's invisible to Magnetic Resonance Imaging." ''[Lydia hands the heart to Jude and walks out. As soon as she's gone, Pokey removes his head, revealing himself as Jonesy.]'' Jude: "Dude, that is one freaky chick." [He tosses the heart to Jonesy.] Jonesy: "Welcome to my nightmare."

[Nikki is folding clothes at the Khaki Barn when Caitlin comes up to her.] Caitlin: "Hey Nikki!" Nikki: "Hey, what's up?" Caitlin: "Courtney convinced me to take the day off to shop." Nikki: "Aren't you gonna get in trouble?" Caitlin: "Maybe, but she's a color genius." [Jen creeps up to the door of the Khaki Barn with a headset on and looks in.] Nikki: "Where's our friend Jen?" Caitlin: "She had to stay at work. Ooh! The new hoodies have arrived!" ''[Caitlin rushes off to look at the display. Courtney sidles up to Nikki.]'' Courtney: "So, Jen really admires you, you know." Nikki: "She is my best friend." Jen: [suddenly next to them] "That's right! And I'm her best friend! And no amount of boobs is going to change that!" Kirsten: "Wow, that girl's so pretty! How come I don't know her?" Nikki: [pointing in a random direction] "Look, isn't that Avril Lavgine?" Kristen: "Omigosh, where?" Kristen and Kirsten: "EEE!" [The two clones rush off to try and find the celebrity.] Courtney: "It must be hard for you, working here." Nikki: "What do you mean?" Courtney: "Well you know, the Khaki Barn employs child labor in India." Nikki: "Uch, yeah, it's disgusting." Courtney: "That's what I think is so cool about you. You're working from within the system to change things." Nikki: "Yeah well, I try to sell as little as humanly possible." Jen: "Oh, please! Can't you see she's playing you?" Coach Halder: [through her headset] "Masterson! We need a price check on tube socks! Stat!" Courtney: "Oop, sounds like they need you at work." Jen: "Uch, fine! Just remember who your friends are." [She storms out of the store.] Courtney: "Well that was dramatic. We're going for a coffee. When do you get off? I could give you some tips on how to keep your sales down." Nikki: "I kind of make my own hours. Cait, you coming?" Caitlin: "Wait for me!" [She follows them out with some new purchases.]

[Caitlin, Wyatt, Jude, Nikki, and Jonesy have met up with Courtney inside Grind Me.] Courtney: [telling a story] "...and that's when Flash fell into this huge pile of dog poo! She got it all over her dress." [Right on cue, the teens laugh.] Jude: "You're really funny. And hot." Wyatt: [to a recently-arrived Jen] "Hey, Jen! I hear your cousin's wedding was a real stinker!" Jen: [shocked] "You told them the dog poo story?" Courtney: "They dragged it out of me." Jonesy: [wearing a sombrero and fake mustache] "And the Flash story! So you used to run around the backyard naked, huh? Do you ever still do that?" [Jen growls.] Jen: "I can't believe this is happening." Wyatt: "Relax, Flash, we've all had embarrassing moments." Jen: "Don't call me Flash!!!" [Shocked by this outburst, Wyatt spills his coffee on his crotch.] Wyatt: "Aah!" Courtney: "So, Jonesy, what's with the outfit?" Jonesy: "I'm incognito." [He gasps and ducks his head.] Lydia: "Has anyone seen Jonesy?" [She is holding a Cubist portrait of Jonesy.] "I have a present for him." Courtney: "I think I saw him at the arcade. He was looking for you." Lydia: "Really? Thanks!" [She scurries out of the store.] Jonesy: [relaxing again] "Ah. How can I ever repay you?" Courtney: "I know! Let's all get our pictures taken together at Jonesy's store!" Jonesy: "Not what I had in mind, but that could be fun too." Jude: "Sounds good, let's roll." [They get up.] Courtney: "Coming, Flash?" Jen: "I knew it. It happens every time."

[The seven are decked out in various costumes.] Courtney: "Alright. I'm the warrior queen, Jonesy, you and Jude are my war chiefs–you stand beside me–" Jude: "Wicked." Jonesy: "All right!" Courtney: "Nikki, you're my trusty sidekick. Wyatt, you're my scribe." Wyatt: "Cool." Nikki: [playing with a sword] "Oh, I like this. Can I borrow it?" Caitlin: "What about me?" Courtney: "You're the princess. And Flash?" Jen: "Jen. My name is Jen." Courtney: "Sorry. Jen. You get to be the evil swamp hag." Jen: "No way." Courtney: "Come on, it'll be fun." Jen: "Forget it! I am not your evil swamp hag!" Courtney: "Why are you being such a baby?" Jen: "I am not being a baby! I just don't want to be the evil swamp hag, okay!" ''[Jen's friends look at her, the situation made awkward by her sudden outburst. Jen rolls her eyes.]'' Jen: "Fine. Just give me the costume."

''[Soon, the picture is taken. Jen lies on the ground, trampled underfoot by Courtney, who has taken her friends along for the ride.]'' Wyatt: "That's a great picture." Caitlin: "Jen, the look on your face is priceless!" Jude: "Yeah, you really look like you wanna kill Queen Courtney." [He laughs.] Jen: "Acting's all about motivation." Courtney: "I have an idea. Let's go to X-S!" Nikki: "The dance club?" Courtney: "It just opened. I hear it's hot." Jude: "Dude, I heard the bouncers there were all 6-foot-4 ex-wrestlers." Jen: "Yeah, and we don't have ID. We're sixteen, remember?!?" Courtney: "Are you guys gonna let a little thing like ID stop you?" Jonesy, Caitlin, Jude, Nikki, Wyatt, and Jen: "Hmm..." Courtney: "So uncreative for youngsters. Come on. Courtney's gonna teach you all a little trick."

''[What follows is a montage where all six teens get their pictures taken. Courtney then puts the pictures into the computer, and has soon enough made fake IDs for all of them.]'' Courtney: "Voila! You're all officially 21." Jonesy: "That is the coolest thing I have ever seen a girl do!" Courtney: [to Jen] "You know, if you keep scowling like that, you're gonna get old." [Jen growls.] Caitlin: "Wow! I really look twenty-one!" Jude: "Hey, awesome!" [worried] "Hey, what if we get caught?" Courtney: "I thought you were the chilled out one." Jude: "Alright, okay, it's chill, I am chill." Courtney: "Cool. Then let's go shake some booty." Jonesy: "Cool." ''[Everyone but Jen moves to leave, cheering. Before Courtney can get past, Jen grabs her arm.]'' Jen: "Court, this has got to stop. You could get them in real trouble." Courtney: "Relax, it'll be fun. You know, 'fun'?" Jen: "Oh, I know how to have fun, but not by sneaking into a bar!" Courtney: "You're just jealous that they like me better than you." [She leaves.] Jen: "Uch! That's it. She might be prettier, and hotter, and cooler, but she's not funner!" [thinking about the phrase] "More fun. AAAAH!"

''[A huge crowd is outside Club X-S. Courtney waits with all of the teens–except Jen. A teenager passes them and heads for the door to the club, but the bouncer blocks his way.]'' Tattoo Muscle Guy: "No ID, no entry." Teen: "Musta...left it in my other pants?" [Without a word, the bouncer picks up the unfortunate boy, folds him up, and puts him into a trash can.] Jude: "Whoa! Told you, bro! That dude could crush you like a can!" Wyatt: "Maybe we should come back when we're thirty, just to be safe." Jonesy: "I don't know about you guys, but I'm going in." ''[Jonesy heads for the door and flashes his ID at the bouncer, who lets him in. Once inside, Jonesy waves his friends towards the bar.]'' Wyatt: "It worked! C'mon, guys!" ''[The other five head into the club. However, someone is watching them through binoculars.]'' Ron: "Finally. I've got those maggots right where I want them."

[The five teens and Courtney are chilling at one side of the club.] Jude: "Dude, this place is awesome!" Wyatt: "Sick sound system!"

''[Outside the club, Darth is being held upside-down by the bouncer. Soon, though, the bouncer is distracted by a redhead in a short, tight pink dress. She flashes her ID, and he waves her into the club.]''

[Caitlin and Courtney are dancing in the club.] Caitlin: "This is so fun! Hey, where's Jen?" Courtney: "Probably at home with Mom. She's about as much fun as a math quiz."

''[The redhead in the pink dress walks through the club. She comes upon the five teens, and Jonesy drops his drink in shock.]'' Jonesy: "No way! Jen?" Courtney: "Hey, that's my dress!" Jude: "Whoa. You're hot." Jen: "So you don't think I'm fun enough, huh? Well how fun is this!" ''[Jen begins to dance, and her friends cheer. After a few seconds, however, the straps holding up her dress break, and Jen is left topless, although she doesn't immediately notice it.]'' Caitlin: "Jen? Your dress–is kind of–not there." [Jen stops dancing, looks at her bare chest, screams, and runs into a restroom.] Caitlin: [sympathetic] "Poor Jen! This is so embarrassing!" Courtney: [laughing] "It's even better than the time she fell in the poop!" Caitlin: [shocked] "How can you be so mean? She's your sister!" Courtney: "Oh come on, it was funny!" Nikki: [angry] "I'll go see if she's all right." [She bumps into Ron.] Ron: "Nobody's going anywhere." [The bouncer grabs the back of Jude's shirt.] Jude: "Uh-oh." [The bouncer picks him up.] Courtney: [holding out her ID] "Officer, I'm not with these kids." Ron: [looking it over] "Your papers seem to be in order." [to the others] "You're all coming with me until the police arrive to arrest you." Caitlin: [desperate] "But I'm really twenty-one! She's my friend, ask her!" Ron: "Can it, lemon girl." [Jen rushes back out just in time to see her friends being taken away.] Courtney: "Hey Flash, you fixed my dress." Jen: "Some friend you are." Courtney: "They aren't really my friends. They're yours." Jen: "Oh no." [grabbing Courtney] "They're our friends now." [She hauls Courtney away.] Courtney: "Hey!"

[Jen is lecturing Courtney as she drags her sister through the mall.] Jen: "...and being a friend comes with a certain amount of responsibility!" Courtney: "Listen to you! Always Mom and Dad's little star." Jen: "Are you kidding me?!? All they ever talk about is how proud of you they are! Winning that stupid beauty pageant! Being in university! It's always Courtney, Courtney, Courtney!" Courtney: "Yeah well that's all gonna change." Jen: "What do you mean?" Courtney: "I'm not home because it's Spring Break, Jen. I'm home because they kicked me out of school." [Jen gapes.] Jen: "So you flunked out?" [overjoyed] "That's awesome!" [realizing] "I mean, y'know, you're not perfect. After all." Courtney: "I never was! You're the one they're proud of. You work so hard, and now you have these great friends? I'm the one who's jealous of you!" Jen: "Really?" Courtney: "Swear. So, are we friends again?" Jen: [sighing] "Yeah. But I'm still mad at you for stealing that guy from me." Courtney: "Well now that everyone knows you have boobs of your own, that shouldn't be a problem." [They hug.] "Love ya." Jen: "Love you too." [serious] "Okay. The gang's in trouble. What're we gonna do?" Courtney: "I always have a backup plan."

''[The five have been thrown in mall jail. Jude rattles a tin cup against the cell bars until Nikki takes it away from him.]'' Jude: "Dude, this is like harshing on my mellow." Ron: "Your whining won't get you anywhere with me, son." Nikki: "You can't keep us here." Jonesy: "I demand my phone call." Jude: "Ooh, good call! Order a pizza." Ron: [standing up] "No phone calls until you're officially under arrest. No, for these next few minutes, you're all mine. And I'm going to savor them. Like the smell of a jungle foxhole at dawn." [He inhales.] "Jungley. And foxy. With a touch of hole." [A hand taps him on the shoulder.] Courtney: "We've come to get our friends." Ron: "Nothing–" ''[He gasps, as do those in the cell. Jen has found a picture of Ron in a mankini.]'' Courtney: "This would make a great promo poster for the store, don't you think, Jonesy?" Jonesy: [catching on] "Heck yeah!" Ron: [worried] "You'll give me the photo if I let them go?" Jen: "Clear their records, and it's yours." [Ron rushes over and opens the cell door.] Ron: "Out. All of you." Jude: [holding up the tin cup] "Sweet. Can I keep this as a souvenir?" Ron: "Out. SOLDIER!" [Jude drops the cup and gets out of the cell.] Courtney: "Pleasure doing business with you." [She and her sister turn to go.] Jen: "Never mess with the Masterson sisters!" [to Courtney] "Where did you get that?" Courtney: "I found it in the back files at Glitter Shots."

''[The gang are sitting around the table. Courtney is nowhere to be seen.]'' Wyatt: "Yep, I don't think that rent-a-cop'll be bugging us for a while." Caitlin: "I can't believe I almost got arrested! Again!" Jude: "So where's the freaky chick, dude?" Jonesy: "I let her down easy. She had a severe case of Jonesyitis." [Lydia suddenly appears behind Jonesy.] Lydia: "Jonesy! Where have you been?" Jonesy: "Uh, I broke up with you, remember?" Lydia: "That doesn't mean we can't still go out!" Jonesy: "Actually, it does." Lydia: "Let's have our picture taken together!" Jonesy: "Let me think about that. Mmm...no. Plus, I got fired from the picture place. They found the fake ID files." Lydia: "C'mon. It'd be really romantic." Nikki: [standing up] "Okay, that's enough." Lydia: "Who're you?" Jonesy: [putting his arms around Nikki] "She's my new girlfriend." Lydia: "Girlfriend?" Nikki: "Girlfriend?" Jonesy: "Uh–" Nikki: "Oh, yeah. I-I'm his girlfriend. He's my man." [Jonesy nods.] Lydia: "You two don't look like a couple." Jonesy: "We are. We go for walks, we uh, eat things together, and we um, we uh–" ''[Nikki pulls Jonesy into a passionate liplock. When she finishes, she drops him.]'' Nikki: "There. Now do you get the picture?" Lydia: "You don't have to be rude about it." [She walks off in a huff.] Jonesy: [discombobulated] "Nikki, I–you–wanna go out to–food–with me–dinner?" Nikki: "I'll think about it." [She pushes him over, and Jonesy collapses with a sigh.] Jude: "Whoa. I think there's a lot about chicks that I don't understand." Wyatt: "Got that right."