Deadbeat Poets Society

Deadbeat Poets Society is the 29th episode of the series and the second episode of the second season. It aired on Teletoon in Canada on November 10, 2005, and on Cartoon Network in the United States on November 17, 2008. Wyatt's breakup with Serena has made him paranoid and bitter, and it's beginning to wear on his friends. To help him, they enlist Starr to get him to relax. Meanwhile, Jonesy gets a new job at the mall pharmacy, Kristen and Kirsten keep changing their hair color, and Jen finds out that her boyfriend prefers blondes.

Main Plot
The group is gathered around the table, trying out Starr's new vegan recipes, when Wyatt suddenly leaps up and hides behind a trash can. The cause of his alarm is Serena, who is walking their way. When he comes back to the table, he has liquid in his hair from an errant thrown-away soda, and his friends ask him if he's not being a bit oversensitive to Serena's presence. His response is angry, and his friends are taken aback; however, Nikki realizes that Wyatt hasn't had his coffee yet. When she asks him why, he tells the group that Serena was talking to Charmaine when he went by, so he went with out.

This convinces Caitlin that Wyatt needs a coffee, and she drags him to Grind Me. When they get there, however, he refuses to go in, because Charmaine is still Serena's friend. Caitlin goes in for him and places his usual order. Charmaine recognizes the order and who it's for, and tells Caitlin to tell Wyatt that he can come in and order if he wants. When Caitlin comes back to Wyatt with his coffee, she passes along the message, but Wyatt is preoccupied with something else: Charmaine stiffed him on the foam.

Caitlin thinks he's just being paranoid, but Wyatt is still contemplating the prospect that he was stiffed when he gets to work. Eventually, the pressure of needing to know presses on him, and he takes a break. Jude sees this, however, and he decides to send Starr along to make sure that Wyatt doesn't do something stupid. Jude's suspicions turn out to be well-founded, as Wyatt goes to Grind Me to do a comparison with somebody else's coffee. Unfortunately, the person he selects is a large, muscular, tattooed man who doesn't appreciate strangers sticking rulers into his coffee. Before Wyatt can get punched, Starr intervenes and drags him away to tell him that his attitude is wearing on his friends.

Starr's solution is to sign Wyatt up for a poetry reading. Wyatt is not enthused by the prospect, especially since he has nothing prepared, but Starr shoves him onstage. There, he ad-libs a poem about how angry he is at Serena that is well received by the listeners. After he does the poem, he feels much better, and plans to do it again, on the condition that Starr not tell his friends (because they'll make fun of him).

The next day, though, his friends notice that something is amiss because Wyatt seems surprisingly happy. Jen is the one who takes initiative and decides to investigate, and so she and Caitlin follow Wyatt around the mall. Wyatt is unusually calm this day, and even more surprisingly, he strikes up a conversation with Coach Halder despite the fact that it would seem to those who weren't at the poetry reading that they have nothing in common. Eventually, Jen and Caitlin tail Wyatt to the poetry reading, where they discover him onstage.

Wyatt expects his friends to make fun of him for his poetry, and initially they plan to; however, the more pressing concern to him is that they're apparently planning to come to the poetry contest he's enrolled in that night. Wyatt tries to warn them off because he thinks they're too immature, but his statements only make the rest of the group determined to go. Once he finally accedes, he leaves, and the group discusses how to best keep from laughing over a meal of Starr's new recipe, Colon Cold Bean Burritos.

When they go to the poetry contest that night, they're greeted with a poem by Wayne about the elusiveness of cool, a poem by Ron about the horrors of jungle warfare, and a poem by Julie about her femininity. The first poem elicits no chuckles; the second poem scares the group; but the last poem almost makes Jonesy crack in amusement, simply because the idea of Julie as exquisitely feminine is so foreign to him. Wyatt then comes up and starts to read. Jude is awakened by Starr to listen, and things seem to be going well until Caitlin farts. This causes the entire group to release their pent-up laughter, and Wyatt storms out of Grind Me, angered by his friends' insensitivity. They try to catch up to him, but he stops and tells them off before walking away again.

Nikki comes up with a solution, however, and soon the group has written a poem. Jonesy, Jude, Starr, and Nikki then go down to Underground Video to get him. When they arrive, however, Wyatt refuses to go with them until his manager intervenes. It seems that Wayne is annoyed that Wyatt brought drama into the store, so he's going to make them pretend to make up and then shove them out the door. Wyatt then begrudgingly goes with the group, and they read him a horrible poem where they promise to never come to another one of his poetry readings. This heals the rift, and Wyatt forgives them. Caitlin isn't forgiven by the store, however, as the patrons remember her as "the fart girl."

Sub-Plot One: Pharmacist Jonesy
Jonesy's new job is to work at the mall pharmacy. The first thing that he's ordered to do is take the pharmaceutical oath, which states that he'll keep all customer information confidential. Immediately after he takes it, however, he comes close to breaking it, as he reveals exactly what problem (bad constipation) a certain customer has. Later, he reveals to Jen that her boyfriend purchased some materials generally bought by girls, and Jen assumes that Charlie is cheating on her until he reveals that he bought the items for his mom. However, Stuart Goldstein heard the end of the exchange, realized that Jonesy had broken the pharmaceutical oath, and fired him.

Sub-Plot Two: Brunette Clones
Today, Kristen and Kirsten have decided to go brunette, as they feel that blonde is on the way out. However, when they spot Caitlin and Jen dressed in blonde wigs in order to spy on Wyatt, they conclude that blonde is back in, and move to dye their hair back. Unfortunately, they only end up dying their hair green by overprocessing it. Nikki is able to solve their problem by giving them the wigs, which they can wear until the dye wears off.

Sub-Plot Three: Charlie Prefers Blondes
Jen is working at the penalty box and getting close to her boyfriend when he is distracted by a blonde girl walking by. Jen notices his look, and instantly becomes jealous. She pushes Gwen over, but it continues to eat at her. Her suspicions are later confirmed when Charlie catches her in a blonde wig and concludes that she died her hair for him. Jen is then unwilling to lose the wig, but eventually decides to do so, and when Charlie Dobbs confronts her, she calls him out for buying tampons and a girly magazine for another woman, coming to the conclusion he was cheating on her. However, it turns out that he was actually buying them for his mom, and they make up.

Quotes
Wyatt: I have a problem? Starr: Yeah, you need a healthy way to cleanse your aura without bugging the crap out of all your friends. Jonesy: Are you kidding? This is gonna be hilarious. Jen: Jonesy, you can't laugh, no matter how funny it is! Nikki: Jen's right. Now who has a good technique for not laughing? Caitlin: Okay, I clench my teeth together really tight, stare straight ahead, and count to ten. Jonesy: I just think of dead kittens. Jonesy: That... didn't make me want to laugh...
 * Wayne: So the guy's obsessing over foam. Wow. I thought I had issues.
 * Starr: Okay, sit down! I think I know what your problem is.
 * Coach Halder: (reciting his poem) Riding the bench. Hard cold wood under my butt. Feels kind of like paper after a while, or just a hard desk chair. I didn't make the cut! I'm not good enough. Put me in, coach! DE-FENSE! DE-FENSE! De- (inhaling) thank you, thank you, thank you.
 * Wyatt: Hot record store girl with the fly jeans, YOU SUCK! I hate your stupid jeans, and I hate your new boyfriend's stupid hair! You made me look like a jerk, you ditched me, left me, and YOU SUCK! I WISH I NEVER MET YOU! AH!
 * Wyatt: Where was the crossing guard when I was crossing Lover's Lane? Where was the guard when I was mowed down by a Sedan named Woman? You should've honked your horn, Woman! I didn't see you coming, Woman! BAM!
 * Starr: Do you guys think you can watch without laughing?
 * Wayne: What is cool? That elusive evasive elastic entity fluid like the water, man, the water in the pool, man! I'd dive in, but I'd probably drown 'cause my dad never taught me to swim, man. I leave you here with this: WHO CARES!?
 * Ron: You think you can escape from reality. I AM reality! Do what you're told, Soldier, or the machine breaks down, WE BREAK DOWN! IT ALL GOES DOWNHILL, SOLDIER! RUN! DANK, DARK, SWAMPY PRISON FEAR IS GOOD! SMELL THAT FEAR! NOW, RUN, SOLDIER! RUN!
 * Julie: I... am... WOMAN! RAWR! I prowl through the warm night, hunting the taste of your LIPS on my LIPS! Unleash my inner woman! Make! Me! Purr...

Trivia
Reason for firing: He violated store protocol about customer privacy by telling Jen that Charlie bought women's magazines and tampons from there.
 * Jonesy's job: Mall pharmacy employee.

Errors

 * As the gang tries Starr's new recipes, Jen eats the fungus meal but doesn't feel any ill effects afterwards. In episodes prior to this, she is known to be highly allergic to mushrooms.
 * Caitlin wrongfully pronounces the word "again" as "a gain" in one of her lines.
 * Kristen was not within her full right to give Nikki time off work, as Chrissy is the manager of The Clones.

Cultural references

 * Caitlin refers to the Russian ballet dancer Mikhail Baryshnikov when talking about her butt muscles.
 * At one point, Wayne refers to Pamela Anderson, an actress best known for playing a lifeguard on the TV series Baywatch.